ABC’s Kit-o-magic

I posted the comments quoted below in responsible to this: “Serial Drama” blog. I thought I’d post it here for those who haven’t ventured over there yet. Glad to know I’m not alone in being bothered by the excessive make up used to ‘transform’ Not-Emly into Rebecca Shaw… HA!

What’s that about Remily’s make up? Don’t you know that it’s part of ABC daytime’s kit-o-magic? Smoky gray eyes turn NL’s Emily into Rebecca, thick black glasses turn OLTL’s Jessica/Tess into Bess, AMC’s Ryan removes his shirt and we’re not supposed to notice that he’s still an ***. ABC, character transformations… as superficial as the scripts.

I actually posted a blog commenting that paint drying was more interesting than watching most of GH. Now the Nik/Remily scenes. Freudian scriptwriting? Poor GH writers.

Is the last paragraph confusing to you? If so then you’ve probably spent more of your time watching something other than GH, like I have. There is a posted clip at SD of Remily and Prince Nikolas painting a room. Sweet irony… watching paint dry… <sigh> You just can’t make this stuff up!
To that I could add that:
1 – Eyeglasses make you ‘smart’ and even” geekier” if you wear them with tape patching the middle or sides.
2 – Scowling makes you ‘thoughtful’.

3- Black T-shirts, denim, and leather jackets make you

  • Hot
  • Mysterious
  • Dangerous
  • All of the above
4 – Hair slicked back makes you
  • Hot
  • Mysterious
  • Dangerous
  • All of the above
The list goes on and on! Oh sure, all soaps do it, but ABC takes prop-acting to a completely different level!
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OLTL – blogging live…

Oh my freakin’ soapgod….I freakin ‘heart’ bitchy Marty….she makes me HAPPY…lol

Um…just how ridiculous is it that John kissed Marty back and then told Blair it was nothing? What a weenie.

Still love Tess’ D.I.D. alter glasses!

Any day where there’s a moment of Marcy is a day with just too much Marcy.

It would be great if the writers could/would keep Wes around. They did such a great job with the PTSD storyline – I’m not crazy about the planted gun angle – and that he’s lying..

Honest to goodness… if I knew two women who’d fight over a John McBain, I’d end my friendship with both of them… I feel the need for a scalding hot shower. He looks even more morose than ever – if that’s possible!

UGH, Marcy! Go away!!!! Her babymania is driving me mad. Marcy use to have so much to contribute; now she utters the same few lines (with the word ‘baby’ being spoken at least twice each time)

What’s up with the Marty-The-Party-Girl line?

Nothing… I got nothing…no sympathy for Jared and Natalie.

Brody gets to me every time…and not just because he’s hot… but it helps that he is.

This show definitely needs more Marty and Blair squaring off – and not over John or Todd; more Brody: more Tea (adding her to today’s ep would have made it a damned near perfect episode).

She’s baaaaaack! ATWT-OLTL-BnB- YnR

Where to start, where to start!  OH!  I know!  I have news, folks!  You may miss the old boards from the now defunct, but much beloved, Total TV Online!  There is still a companion site (message board)  for the “Sound and Fury” blog.  You can access that site by clicking HERE.

As The World Turns

Carly is BACK, the Carly that so many fans have grown to love.  Carly is a cross between one of daytime’s greatest romantic heroines, and a walking disaster.  Today, we got to see a little of both, more of the former than the latter.  I believe that Carly has been sincere in her odd couple friendship with Janet.  There’s no malice between the two women and Carly wants to see Jack happy with Janet, for his sake, and that of their children.

The trouble is that despite her best efforts to do the ‘right’ thing, she finds herself in trouble every time.  I groaned a bit when she found herself getting hot and heavy with Jack.  Other than the family they share together (and yes, I’m including Parker and JJ as ‘theirs’), nothing good has come of Jack and Carly being together.  Each of those brief periods of time when they shared love and happiness were quickly replaced with some wild attack on Carly’s character, by Jack.  A little crying, a lot of clinging, and too much verbal abuse.

Even still, watching Jack and Carly fall back into bed wasn’t as shocking as I thought it would be.  They’re much too addicted to the self-inflicted pain not to keep going back for more.  It’s Carly’s guilt that was shocking.  That she pushed Jack to be upfront and let Janet know he was in the bedroom before he could stay her was brilliant.  That’s the girl, Carly.  Don’t let Jack pull his standard hit-and-run routine.  I’ll give the guy credit, he did score points by admitting that he’s been a judgmental jerk all these years, but he lost those points FAST by trying to sleep with Carly knowing he still had feelings for Janet.

To see him working on Carly, playing on the emotion she still had for him, and to then have him run back to Janet?  What a putz! Carly is much better off without the guy.  Jack thinks of himself, first.  He always has. If only the writers would hire an actor to play a credible love interest against MW’s Carly.   Brian, perhaps? I’m just not yet ‘digging’ this guy with Lucinda.  I think I’d rather seen John Dixon back, and paired with ‘Lucy Walsh’.  I miss John and Lucinda and their passion.  I have na ulterior motive for suggesting a Carly-Brian pairing.

Maybe Carly can distract Brian so that he STOPS telling Luke to avoid being ‘political’.  I find it hard to believe that Luke standing up for himself and supporting the Gay Film Festival would have a negative impact on his foundation.  (Uh, when did Oakadle U become ultra conservative?)  Brian needs a life… FAST!  Rather than telling Brian that she and Luke need him, it’s time for Lucy Walsh, cutthroat businesswoman that she is, to come back.  I miss her.  It’s time for the REAL Lucy Wlalsh to tell Brian to hit the bricks.   1 –  Lucinda has always had such a deep love for her grandson.  It’s hard for me to believe that she can’t see what’s going on with Brian, and what the potential impact is on Luke.  I just can’t see the writers as being true to her character if they continue to allow her to want Brian, in light of his treatment of Luke and Noah.  2 – Lawrence Lau is HOT, and I’d love to see his character out of such a creepy storyline where he’s trying to suppress Luke’s self-exploration.   Luke is finding his voice.  Brian is becoming increasingly less attractive trying to suppress it.

AND, since we’ve seen more of Kim this month than in the last several months (or so it seems), please make sure when you bring her back more frequently, writers, that you bring back the brilliant woman we’ve all loved for so long.  Kim was the victim of a mad stalker (Oh how I miss the days of the Douglas Cummings storyline). Hopefully she recognizes the signs soon, and works to help Katie with the Spencer incident.  Kim’s been there, done that.  I’d love to have her realize sooner, rather than later, that Katie has every right to be concerned.

Young and the Restless

Sharon, Sharon, Sharon, my friend.  You can’t make a good husband out of a man-whore.  Remember those words of advice.  I only regret that I forgot to include Nick Newman on my man-whore list, when I included his father.  (Read that HERE)  Nick hasn’t met a woman, throwing herself at him, that he doesn’t like.  Having said that?  I can’t help loving Nick and Sharon, despite the fact that he’s an unfaithful pig.  Nick and Sharon are their generation’s Nikki and Victor (er, without the pathology that has begun to pervade the Nikktor relationship).

Short of Nick’s cheating with slimey Grace Turner, and Phyllis (serving as Sharon’s ‘placeholder’), there was a genuine love and a sense of family that Nick and Sharon shared that neither has really had with their respective new spouses. For me, Phyllis will always be the woman who went to bed with a man while his wife was still grieving their dead daughter.  Nick and Phyllis’ relationship is at romantic as a zombie orgy (sorry, it’s close to Halloween and the commercials for haunted houses are getting to me).

What happens in Paris stays in Paris?  OH, let’s hope not.  Let’s hope that Nick does penance for being a complete idiot and cheating on Sharon, realizes what a horrible mistake he made, and goes home to his real family.   He needs to be with his true wife, Sharon.

Besides, the only time Phyllis was remotely interesting was when she was a freakin’ bad girl, and during her marriage to Jack.  Outside of that?  She hasn’t had much to offer.

One Life to Live

It’s been so good seeing Viki, so good in fact that I feel guilty having this small complaint:  Are fans to believe, that in a house the supposed size of Viki’s mansion, she wouldn’t notice that her basement had suddenly become MUCH smaller?  If there was enough space behind the sliding wall to build a ginormous room, complete with on suite bath, you’d think she’d notice SOMETHING was wrong.  EH! I don’t care, I’m just glad to have Viki back.  Now it’s time to reunite Viki and Clint… We’ve been so patient.

Viki must love the relationship between her sister, Tina, and “Jessica”/Tess getting along.  Oh, if only she knew! The most enjoyable part of One Life To Live (and dare I say the only watchable part of the show?) has been watching Tina and Jessica go at one another.  The only person tough enough, and devious enough, to handle Tess is Tina, and heaven help the show if/when Tina or Tess goes.

While Grand Dame Titans Tina and Tess are tearing each other apart, maybe the writers will let Viki serve up a little cold hard justice to brother, Todd.  You’d think that Todd would have learned his lesson from letting Blair think their son Jack was dead.  Now he’s planning to do the same to Starr, in order to take her child and raise it.  I get the saying that history repeats itself… I just don’t know why it’s always the LOUSY history that repeats itself in daytime.  Oh Viki, between Todd, Tina, and Tess, you have your work cut out for you.

Bold and Beautiful

Er, what? Taylor’s back to her lying, sneaky, and underhanded ways?  WELL!  No shock THERE folks!  I seem to remember THIS Taylor, the one scheming and plotting to get what she wants, and putting a ‘concerned’ face on it.  Let’s see, she advised Brooke to stay with Eric, for the children’s sake, even though Brooke was unhappily married to the man.  Then she (Taylor) pursued Ridge, the man Brooke loved – knowing Ridge loved Brooke and was waiting for her to leave Eric.
Taylor advised Eric to tell Stephanie their marriage was over and there was NO chance of him returning to her.. after she listened  to her ‘best friend’ cry about Eric not loving her… and then Taylor moved on Eric, herself.  Now she’s telling Ridge that the fates were probably keeping him and Brooke apart because they probably weren’t meant to be together.  Taylor, would those be the same fates that caused Ridge to walk out on YOU and not look back?  Funny how those fates only work against others, never against her.  Ah, hypocrisy.  The REAL Taylor is back… the “me first, me last, me always” Taylor.

If loving effed up characters is wrong

…I don’t wanna be right.  There are some characters so crazy and/or so outrageous that I can’t help loving them. Of course, I wonder about that dark dark place my imagination retires to if I find such a sense of affinity with these characters, but EH!

I’d worry about it more – if I had the time. Right now, I’m too busy watching:

1. Days Of Our Lives. Thank YOU ‘John Black’… I mean it. NuBlack has kept me strangely fascinated. I literally stare at the guy when he’s on screen. I’m waiting for the punchline, for his portrayer to step out of character and scream ‘GOTCHA’!!! I couldn’t figure out why that raspy whispery whacked out voice he uses these days is so familiar. I’ve finally figured it out. Fans of the Jim Carrey film, ‘Me, Myself, and Irene’ REJOICE! “Hank” has made his way to daytime TV:

As much as I love the ‘pre-memory- loss’ John Black, post-memory- loss John Black is funny and I don’t care whether he means to be or not. I can’t say that I’ll miss him when he goes, but I will continue to get a good chuckle out of him while he’s around.

2. Is it wrong to root for the bitch goddesses of daytime? I so, why does it feel so good? I love the YnR’s Chloe! Not since the golden era of Sheila Carter has a sociopath made daytime worth watching again. I’m actually tuning in to the YnR, lately, because of her! By ‘tuning in to the YnR’, I mean watching on the days I know Chloe will be on. The look on Lily’s face, when she found out that Cane wasn’t excluded as the father of Chloe’s child made the lie almost worth the excruciating pain I feel whenever Lily is on. It’s not just that Chloe lies with such ease, it’s that she enjoys it so much and that she’s not repetant. Gotta’ love a manipulating schemer who torments the town’s priss and doesn’t lose a night’s sleep over it. I consider Chloe the writers’ gift, to me… ok, maybe not just to ME, but sometimes it feels like such a gift.

3. One Life to Live – Tess Brennan. Still lovin’ OLTL but the writers really have to get on the stick with the Tess story. Tess is the ‘Amped’ version of the YnR’s Chloe. Faking a baby’s daddy (as Chloe has done), taking a life, making French Toast…MEH… it’s all the same for Miss Tess. The problem is that with the heavy focus on Mendorra, the creepy faux friendship with Marty and Todd, Bo/Rex’s time travel, and the painstakingly boring teen pregnancy storyline with Starr and Cole, and there won’t be much of charismatic Tess’ storyline to care about. The writers have made the mistake, in my opinion, of waiting too long to tie this storyline together.

They’ve become bored with Tess it seems, as evidenced by the carelessness of the plot. It’s almost incomprehensible that the good townfolk of Llanview haven’t figured things out, yet. I liked Tess the first time around, the one who was too clever to leave so many easily deciphered clues. Tess’ revenge now feels like ‘filler’, to cover the down time in the above-mentioned storylines. Then again, maybe it’s the feeling the writers want us to have – to move beyond the revenge storyline and to have us root for Jess’ return so that she can ‘forgive’ Nat and Jared and all will become one big happy family. Great, but where’s the fun in that? For those of us who’ve missed Tess, I’ve got three words for the writers: Ain’t.Gonna.Happen. We want DRAMA… and for whatever reason, the writers have been coming up short on getting it to us.

4. Guiding Light – Alan “I see dead people’ Spaulding. While I first thought Alan’s visions were fake, and that he was using Gus’ memory to manipulate those around him, I suddenly like the idea that Alan believes in his visions. Even more? how incredibly self-serving is it that Alan believes that Gus is guiding him to pimp the wealthy women of Springfield into helping him reclaim his company? Did anyone else cringe when Alan threatened Bill Lewis with his league of wealthy women believers? EGADS!

Sure, Gus – who wanted as little to do with Alan as possible, now wants Alan to take his ‘visions’ and use them to return to power at Spaulding Enterprises (Maximus my arse). Nah, Gus wouldn’t mind that Alan used his memory to keep himself out of prison. No siree. It wouldn’t have bothered Gus at all that Alan manipulated a teen-aged girl who is as dumb as a box of hair into lying on the witness stand. Nope! Alan is such a miserable bastard. Thank the soapgods that he’s BACK.

Warm, fuzzy, platitude spewing Alan was giving me hives.
5. All My Children – Adam Chandler. In almost ANY battle between Tad Martin and any other soul, it’s Tad all the way for me. That is, except when it comes to Adam. I despise the Carey women, sometimes I love to hate them, but mostly, I cannot tolerate them. And yet Adam Chandler, the resident heartless, soulless psychotic goon that he is, makes me like Krystal. There’s something about them, when they’re together, that makes me want to cheer them on.

I’d believed, when they first got together, that Krystal would take Adam for all he was worth and end up with half of his fortune. Instead the writers ruined what could have been an incredibly hot villainous couple and turned Crystal into Tad’s fawning stepford wife. With Adam, Krystal is always on that border between fun and exciting, and terribly naughty. I’ve always said that I’d never forgive Adam every time he crossed the line: having Dixie institutionalized, his treatment of Stuart, the way he’s driven his children away, his manipulation of JR, secretly impregnating Liza, and making me enjoy Krystal scenes. I forgive him every time. Now he has me rooting AGAINST Tad and hoping Krystal leaves him to be with Adam again. OY!

Lord help the mister…

who comes between me my sister,

and lord help the sister,

who comes between me and my man!

The Bold and the Beautiful, One Life to Live, Guiding Light, and As The World Turns.  What do they have in common?  Vengeance and betrayal – fanfreakintastic!

The Bold and The Beautiful – Felicia Forrester has been one of the most sexually liberated and unapologetic women in daytime.  She doesn’t boast about her sexual conquests, much, but she doesn’t shy away from them either.  How many soap vixens remember, as fond times, dancing on tables in nightclubs while continent hopping?  Even still it’s not hard to believe that she’d have a hard time accepting a woman who seduced her brother AND her father in the same ‘little kitty’ lingerie.  Sex is recreational for Felicia.  It’s a weapon in Donna’s hands.   I get it, but c’mon, Felicia, you think Donna is a golddigging tramp on top of everything else?  You’re setting her up to be unfaithful to your father and then plan to hit him with the evidence of her infidelity?  Evil, pure evil.  Remind me to send a Christmas card to the writers! 

Is she a hypocrite?  Well, yeah she is but this is daytime, who isn’t? It will be interesting to see what Owen has up his sleeves – other than finely sculpted, beautifully toned arms.  My guess is that he chickens out now, and ends up falling for Donna and sleeping with her, later. Oh sweet irony.  It’ll be when he genuinely feels something for Donna that he’ll end up costing her everything.  Either way, Felicia takes Donna down, and I can’t say that I’m unhappy about it.  I am a little freaked out that Felicia feels that it’s her duty to reunite her aging parents (see the live blog of today’s BnB that follows this blog).

One Life to Live –  Tess is truly a “take no prisoners” character, D.I.D. aside.  She prefers to kill them off instead.  OUCH! Clearly nothing is left of the sainted Jessica.  She would never have allowed Tess to cut the brakes on Natalie’s car.  It’s that Tess showed no concern for Viki after finding out that she’d climbed into Nat’s car  that was even more frightening than the first time Tess appeared.  Does anyone else remember how early Tess rolled with glee on the kitchen table when Viki was carted off to the hospital – suffering from a heart attack?  THAT Tess is back.  Not only did she not show a moment’s concern for Viki’s safety, knowing that Viki is careening down the highway unable to stop the car, she immediately moved to ‘Plan B’. 

If she wasn’t going to get to enjoy learning that Natalie and Jared had died in a fiery crash as she planned, she’d take care of them another way.  She’d feed them a poisoined meal, all while waiting for Viki’s unlikely return.  How could they believe she’d so quickly forgiven them for killing her husband?

I take it back Felicia Forrester, you’re just a spoiled brat.  TESS is evil, or angry, or delusional, or all of the above.  She’s switched from grieving wife and mother to population control specialist in the matter of a couple of weeks.  Uh, scary!

Guiding Light – Will someone tell me why the writers think that it’s entertaining to watch teens with raging hormones turn on everything and everyone who’s ever loved them?  OLTL’s Starr Manning is tough enough to take.  Now GL’s “Daisy” is defending the man who killed her cousin, Tammy Winslow.  “G” was hired to ‘scare’ Tammy’s lover, Jonathan (who was also Tammy’s first cousin – don’t ask if you weren’t watching, I still can’t figure out all of the multiple connections).  Tammy pushed Jonathan out of the way and ended up losing her life.

GOOD NEWS!   It turns out that “G” is really, REALLY sorry.  Case closed.  Tammy’s already dead, so what’s the ‘diff’? (If your name is Daisy).  Sending “G” to prison won’t bring her back and besides, “G” makes her sooooooo feel good.   So far, emotional trainwreck that she is, Daisy has stolen food and money for “G”, is fighting with her grandmother, and has just walked away for her family for him.  She ‘find a place to live’ she says – as she’s visiting “G” in jail.  Just guessing, but he won’t be able to offer her the use of his cot.  Good luck there, Daisy.

If you’re not a Guiding Light viewer, then it won’t surprise you to learn that Daisy is lonely.  Her current boyfriend is on the run with her mother.  Her mother is protecting him from being prosecuted for shooting Springfield’s District Attorney.  Good times. Good times.  And great choices!  Methinks Daisy travels with her own Greek Chorus!

So… when writers SORAS characters, why can’t they skip the teen years?  Hells bells, I think most of us get enough teen drama and trauma at home.   Daisy, like Tess, has become a population control specialist, albeit in a slightly different manner.  She makes the case for using infallible birth control.  I never thought I’d say this, but it may not be a good idea for the Cooper clan to continue procreating.

As The World Turns –  Well, Carly fought the good fight – but Holden is a manwhore, dontcha’ know? (see blog below on “Daytime’s Greatest Manwhores”).  She had no choice but to give in.  That man was going to follow her to the ends of the earth to prove that fidelity is for the little people, HE is Holden Snyder.  This is the man who had an illicit affair in a Church bell tower, with the wife he’s CURRENTLY cheating on – when she was married to someone else.  The question is, how badly will Carly have to pay for this one?  Holden won’t pay. He rarely ever does.  Lily can be a bit of a dirty fighter when she wants to be so Carly may be in real trouble this time.

Lily fans will excoriate me when I say it, I’m sure, but if there’s to be bloodshed, I’m hoping it won’t be Carly’s!  Either Holden is going to have to pay the price, or Lily.  YES, I said it, LILY!   At some point Lily is going to have to ‘woman up’ and realize that she continues to return to a man whose pants are most likely held together by velcro to help enhance the ‘rip away’ effect when he tears off his pants with each new affair.

I’m not blaming the wife.  I’m blaming the couple – Holden AND Lily for playing out this tiring psychodrama year after year, partner after partner. 

EH!  Don’t get me wrong, I think Carly is behaving like a bit of a doof to allow Holden to put her in this position (fighting. urge. to. avoid. bad. pun.).   I only fault Carly for thinking she’ll be a ‘special mistress’ to Holden.  He’s a troubled, troubled man.  Each mistress is special, until the next one comes along.

By the way, honorable mention  for the ‘help the sister’ award goes to Margo Hughes!  I blogged about Margo’s behavior a few days ago but thought  that this is one case in which a picture truly is worth a thousand words – and possibly worth 25 to life.  When you seduce and become pregnant by Margo’s husband, you probably don’t want to make the foolish mistake of becoming sexually involved with her son just a few years later.  The woman is a cop and carries a gun, for pity’s sake!  If you are that stupid, Emily, don’t have sex with her son, in her home, AND get caught: