National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month.  Watching soaps today, alone,  would make you question, 1 –  whether writers were aware of the  significance of this month, 2 – if they would care if they were aware of it.  According to RAINN, every 2 minutes someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.   Click the RAINN symbol to learn more about SAAP month, and to find events taking place in your local area. Today, on almost every soap left on air, a woman was nearly sexually assaulted, emotionally assaulted, or physically assaulted – almost none for the sake of furthering a discussion about sexual and other violent assaults.  Almost all for the sake of ‘entertainment’.  Check the ratings, writers, we – your primarily female audience, are not amused or entertained by such storylines.

1.  Days of Our lives. I’ve thought of EJ as a coward for quite a long time.  Today’s episode just made things a heck of a lot worse.  If your father is a murderous psychopath and you’re quickly following in his footsteps, then it makes sense that you don’t care to protect your partner in crime from your father’s tyrannical wrath.   It makes you appear to be less human, as well.   Too busy trying to cover his own arse, EJ has made no moves to stop others from thinking of Anna as a vile kidnapper who tormented a  young infant girl for months after she’d already lost the only mother she’d ever known.    If you were watching today’s episode, you witnessed Stefano Dimera, EJ’s father, physically assault his former daughter-in-law, his deceased son’s wife.  Tony might have killed Stefano for slapping his wife.

The excuse is supposed to be, I’m sure, that Stefano had no idea that Anna wasn’t alone in kidnapping his granddaughter when he slapped her.   My response?  WHO CARES!?!?!  She as alone, half dressed and defenseless against him and the goons he brought with him.  That scene was heartbreaking from beginning to end.   It was in fact EJ, the child’s father, who concocted the scheme and convinced Anna to become his partner in crime.  It was his son EJ, who got the ‘bright’ idea to cover the child’s clothing in blood and make everyone think the infant had been murdered.  Will Stefano slap him across the face?  Will he have his son dragged off with threats of death?  Is that behavior reserved only for women ‘who have it coming’?

While EJ sat home, basking in the glow of being complimented for being a ‘great dad’, Anna was being slapped around, manhandled by Stefano’s goons, and had to plead for her life, as Stefano promised her that she would not be alive  much longer.  DAYS has done a lot of things right, but  this was dead wrong and made it clear how parasitic the Dimera men’s relationships with women are.  EJ professes love, two children later, to the woman he raped at gunpoint, and while he sat with her  trying to convince her he was a new man, Anna faced violence and certain death.

2.  The Bold and the Beautiful. I watched the last 10 minutes of the show, today – apparently ten minutes too many!  It was a continuation of Donna Logan Forrester being treated as if she was disposable by her husband, Eric Forrester.  This follows an earlier discussion in which he screamed at her in front of his ex wife and his former sister-in-law (both of whom have attacked Donna physically and verbally).  Earlier he’d faulted Donna for never being on his side – a full-throated lie.  He’s clearly ‘finished’ with Donna and finds excuses to scream and yell at her, including faulting Donna  for her brother-in-law’s partnership with his WILLING ex-wife, who helped weaken his company before Bill Spencer bought it out from from under him.  Eric accepts no responsibility for being a lousy businessperson.  He also gives Donna ZERO credit for being willing to deceive her own sister to help him get his company back.  He screams at her, demeans her, and then she returns home to beg for his forgiveness for not being tolerant enough of his needs.  If she was a friend of mine in a marriage like that, I would be advising her on thinking about how to get out of it, or at least  how to protect herself from a man like Eric Forrester.

3.  One Life to Live. Schuyler Joplin has been just about as perfect a man as one can be in daytime.  He’s thoughtful, loving, kind, and patient… which means that when he had to be torn down to prop the show’s resident snooze producing couple – the writers took the lowest possible  route to try to make him unlikable to fans.  His soap day started with him being  a loving father who only wanted the best for his child.  He finds out the child he’s been loving isn’t his and just a few hours later he’s holding Gigi Morasco hostage at gunpoint, trying to force her to undress so  they can have sex and he could prove to her that they still have a special relationship.  He doesn’t want to be alone.


Soaps use to write rape storylines to  sway fans’ sympathy in the direction of ‘bad girls who needed redeeming’.  Now they use rape as a way of trying to sway fans’ ire at male characters they want to get rid of — most of the time.  Sometimes they decide that the rapist isn’t all that bad and try to redeem him or try to get the audience to accept his attempt to get his victim to fall in love with him.  It’s that sort of  clumsy and careless storytelling that makes soap fans ashamed of the genre.

4.  General Hospital. Kristina, after ignoring Ethan’s pleas to not allow the entire town, most especially her murderous mob father, believe that he’d beaten her up- as he was innocent – was beaten again today by her boyfriend, Kiefer.  I’d watched DAYS’ Anna being slapped around, DAYS’ Sami talking about her lovelife with her rapist,  OLTL’s Gigi held at gunpoint and potentially raped, BnB’s Donna beg forgiveness for being treated poorly, and then Kristina.  I am emotionally drained and most especially because it’s clear that daytime writers still don’t get it.

As usual, the storyline hasn’t been about this poor teenage girl who is being harmed, it’s about the adults around her – her mother who took the time to run down her attacker with her car while on the way to the hospital to get help for Kristina, her angry mob boss father, Ethan -the wrongfully accused… but very little about the survivor.

I’m hoping we’ll see more of Kristina, in therapy to learn that it’s not her fault she’s been attacked, or that we’ll get to see her confront Kiefer and make him realize how badly he’s hurt her.  As I’ve written about before, it would be best to see HIM in therapy – helping him figure out why he’s so violent towards  women.

Soaps do a lot with the ‘assault’ part, nothing much with the  ‘prevention’.   Were women victims of assault and violence on the other two soaps?  Probably, I’m just glad I missed it – I’ve had more than my fill in just a single day.  It’s depressing.

Ratings – sometimes it sucks to be right!

In the last blog entry, I noted that I fully expected the BnB to lose the ratings race to DAYS.  Here are the ratings for the week in question (and many thanks to the folks at SoapOperaNetwork – SON, for posting them):

Ratings for the week November 16-20, 2009
1. Y&R 3.5/12 (-.1/-.2)
2. DAYS 2.3/8 (+.1/+.3) ——–> (Last time in 2nd place: June 7-11, 2004)
2. B&B 2.3/8 (-.1/-.3)
4. GH 2.0/6 (-.1/-.2)
5. AMC 1.9/7 (-.1/-.1)
5. OLTL 1.9/7 (-.1/-.2)
7. ATWT 1.8/6 (same/-.2)

The problem for DAYS is that they’ve never been able to sustain dethroning the BnB for long, and I don’t see it happening this time, either.  The focus on Rafe, Gabby, and LH’s Arianna is a HUGE mistake – but who am I to say it?  Rafe as a solo character is  likable and worth the airtime.  Arianna and Rafe onscreen together brings back awful memories of the PASSIONS’ Lopez-Fitzgerald clan.  Adding Martsolf’s Brady Black only triples my pain (sorry, I was NEVER a Theresa and Ethan fan.  They made my skin crawl.)  By the time you add the snooze producing Gabby (who is awfully reminiscent of Paloma Lopez-Fitzgerald), I find myself bored silly!  I’m not even intrigued by the idea of Theresa/Arianna working with Roman to get rid Salem of its criminal element.  Kill off the Hernadez clan, other than Rafe and bring on a brother for him instead of the family he currently has on screen.

Hey, if  I must continue in committing soap heresy (as I’m sure Terror/Ethan fans will accuse me of), I have to admit that I’m not terribly interested in Vivian Alamain’s return.  L-O-V-I-N-G Louise Sorel, I’m disappointed that the writing for her has made the character of Vivian so quirky and annoying.  This Vivian is a caricature of Vivian 1.0 – who was always clever, conniving, and dangerous.   Vivian 1.0 would be thinking of ways to make a tough business move to establish herself as Salem’s lead power broker, instead of focusing on how to woo a cantankerous and verbally abusive curmudgeon like Victor.   As currently portrayed, I fully expect Disney to write a theme song to be played every time Vivian enters view and to watch small puppies tremor in fear in her presence – hey, those coats won’t make themselves, people!  Vivian 2.0  … 3.0?  4.0? is focused on gaining power by ‘merging’ with Victor Kirakis.  I hardly recognize Viv!

On a positive note, DAYS should be applauded for daring to focus on a quadrangle featuring an over 40 crowd, as well as its 40 something quad featuring Bo/Hope/Justin/Carly.  Kate and Stefano (a match made in hell) tangling with Victor and Vivian (another match made in hell); with Kate displaying  jealousy?  Nice, though a bit odd given Victor’s emotional and verbal abuse of Kate.  He hasn’t been quite as cruel to her as he has been to Nicole and Chloe, but still nasty enough that he’s given her enough reason to want to see him alone and lonely.   All is forgiven? I guess.  Despite their past behaviors and betrayals of one another, what makes this potential quad work is that each of the four characters (and their portrayers) are incredibly strong in their own right and only enhance this storyline.  The idea of Kate and Vivian along with Victor and Stefano locking horns is as good as it gets in daytime.  There will be blood, and the ‘fun’ part is not knowing whose blood will be spilled.  There are all equally capable of ripping the others in half.  I hope that the writers will respect the history of all four characters and leave them strong – most especially Vivian and Kate.  More than anything else, daytime needs strong women and these are two of the strongest, fiercest warriors in daytime – if not a bit psychotic, much like the men they’re involved with.

If I was a  DAYS writer/producer thinking about how to keep the ratings rock rolling up hill instead of down, there would be more focus on both quadrangles and even exploit the overlapping relationships between the two quads;  I’d kick up the Brady and Nicole storyline until Zuker goes on maternity leave.  Brady would actually be on the run with Nicole, trying to get her to return to Salem but all the while knowing that he is willing to betray his family to be with her;  I’d realize how much more interesting Stefano is without EJ and yes, Virginia, if there really is a Santa Claus – EJ would be history; Rafe’s family would also be gone;  I’d avoid making Maggie the collector of lost souls – her relationship with Melanie worked because it was unique.  With Mia it’s just old hat and a little tired.  Why not a role reversal with Maggie having relationship problems and Melanie serving as her sounding board?;    and finally,  I’d think about what it would need to happen to make Abe and Lexi and frontburner and interesting couple.  The writers need to do more to challenge themselves on what to do with the Carvers to enhance the show’s diversity in a way that’s meaningful.  Too much of what happens with the Carvers feels like an afterthought.

DAYS – post John and Marlena

Somehow I thought the first non-John and Marlena day would be different. Nope, nothing.  Nothing’s changed – the sets are the same; the dialogue is the same; characters are still lying, cheating, and scheming; the sun still shines in Salem; Stefano is still an evil bastard; Sami is still “real” pregnant; Nicole is still fake pregnant… and yet everything’s changed. 

I had a love – hate relationship with John and Marlena, even though they were the heart of the show (along with Bo and Hope, Patch and Kayla, and other core families).   Their  love storyline had it all: romance, realism, surrealism, making up, breaking up, making up again – it was all there.  I hated the possession storyline.  Roman Brady becoming John Black didn’t thrill me either.  Drake Hogestyn’s  ‘John’ was first a Brady, then a man with no identity, an Alamain, and finally a Dimera.  Fans needed to wear a  neckbrace to keep up with the changes in John’s backstory as those changes went whizzing  by.  None of the worst of the John and Marlena storylines, however, came close to outweighing what was good about them. They are and always will be legendary.

It’s possible that DAYS will find the ‘new’ John and Marlena, on the cheap, but will it matter?  The ‘new’ and presumably cheaper John and Marlena won’t be able to provide the show the one thing fans are unwavering in wanting – a link to history.  Their relationship ended the era of the Roman-Marlena relationship that it intially gave rebirth to.  They introduced new legacy characters (including Belle Black, whose relationship with Shawn Brady was legendary in it’s own way).  They helped keep tradition, being part of the Brady-Horton clan. For decades, their marriage was at times as real as anyone else’s.  How do you replace that?  How do you appropriately celebrate their relationship with the fans (and their onscreen  relationship with one another) if you’re foolish enough to think you can replace them?  The uber genius minds at Serial Drama addressed the cheesy send off the couple,  barely, received from Corday and crew.  

Sad, huh?  I wouldn’t be surprised if we later find out TPTB didn’t want to spend the cash paying staff writers to write a more fitting goodbye for the couple.  Four words for you: monkeys, typewriters, locked room.  Makes sense to me!

On Monday, the first John and Marlena free day, the first day we knew they wouldn’t walk on set again, I wondered how the summary writers would describe their last day… behold:

John recovers his memories, but may remain nothing but a physical vegetable from the neck down. Marlena decides that cannot happen. Time being of the essence, Marlena takes charge and decides to go with John to Europe for treatment. John and Marlena share heartfelt goodbyes with Brady, Roman, and Kayla. Even Stefano shows up, and is upset when he is given the cold shoulder. Before leaving, John and Marlena are married once again in an emotional impromptu ceremony.

Let’s hope the summary writers are interns and not staff writers, or we’re doomed!  I thought about how symbolic their last onscreen days were and  wondered if the writers weren’t Freudian slipping all over their own manuscript.   John’s ‘physical vegetable’ state is symbolic of the writers’ own.  He is unable to move and is in need of rehab, as they have bee unable to move DAYS away from the ratings dive it’s been in for years – oh yes, I  also think there’s a strong need for rehab in the writers room.  Might I suggest a creative writing workshop?  Or two?  Or three?  Or…?  Once strong, virile, able to withstand any attack, John was weakened and in need of life support.  Uh huh.. .CHECK!  Ditto on the show.  John remembered when he woke up from his ordeal.  He remembered the glorious times that he shared with Marlena.

That’s where the analogy breaks down a bit.  I have a hard time believing that TPTB can remember how important their history was and still let them go.

As with John and Marlena leaving everything behind, their social support network, the family members who would embrace and love them; the writers and TPTB are leaving behind its offscreen family:  Deidre Hall, Drake Hogestyn, and the viewers who are now experiencing a gaping hole in what was once a strong family network.   For as much as I love most of the Days’ cast, there are at least a half dozen actors/characters I would get rid of before I got rid of John and Marlena. 

 I’m convinced that what’s helped keep the Young and the Restless and The Bold and The Beautiful at the top of the soap genre for nearly two decades is the commitment both serials have shown to their veterans.  Those of us who watch know that those shows ‘feel’ the same in many ways, today,  as the day we started watching them (though the YnR, I think, is risking its status as it continues to add so many newbies – I’m still impressed at the slower integration of newbies by the YnR than by shows like Days Of Our Lives).

Daytime is not drawing in the younger, “hipper” viewers daytime execs and advertisers seem to crave.  It’s time for them to face reality and work with what they have.  To do so would mean to stop killing off and getting rid of veteran characters who have name and face recognition in favor of the pretty-but-pointless.  Stop assuming that we want the ‘new’ John and Marlena, when love or hate them, we’re not done with the John and Marlena we already have.

There’s seemingly no hope for saving soaps.  To get rid of long loved characters at this stage of the game seems senseless.  If you must send off fan favorites to make room for more muck and dread, give our beloveds the proper send off they deserve so that we can think of them fondly, and lovingly, and have fewer negative feelings about the fan loss you’ve engineered. 

It would be nice to see them back on screen, soon.  Whether or not that happens, Thank you, Diedre Hall for giving life to Marlena Evans.  Thank you, Drake Hogestyn, for giving life to John Black  OH! And for the occasional shirtless scene.  I’m still shallow!  I hope to see both again, soon, if not on Days, somewhere in daytime or primetime.  What a loss to the genre they helped keep profitable for so many years.

Birds of a feather

Whether or not it’s real or my imagination, I’m in love with the way daytime writers are finally living up to their promise to bring family dramas back to the forefront.  Those fabulous Dimera boys (DOOL) are giving me heart palpitations!  Tony and EJ’s conflict was reaching classic biblical proportions, until Stefano came home and laid down the law – as it should be.  Days writers should never let him leave!  Did anyone get chills when John (Hank) DiMera-Black walked by poor shaking and trembling Phillip Kiriakis and warned him that it was ‘game on’.  John declared  war on Phillip and Stefano.  What, big daddy?  No hugs for Uncle Stefano? 

Love that. How could anyone forget this exchange exemplifying DiMera on DiMera conflict from earlier this year:

Guiding Light took the high road and gave us an unconventional look at family.  Jeffrey and Reva’s non-wedding wedding brought together some of her family (with phone calls from and to those who couldn’t be there), the Cooper Clan, Remy, Lillian Raines – and thank you writers, for remembering our Lillian, and Mallet.  As much as I hate the outdoor scenes this show is all too fond of using, I loved the non-wedding wedding party coming together.  It was one of the few moments of sheer bliss this show has given us recently.

I’ll admit it (though I hate to) that for as much as I’ve enjoyed Reva and Jeffrey, part of me longed for the classic Jeva ending.  Reva would get the news that her cancer had NOT returned.  She’s at the altar, looking into Jeffrey’s eyes when his face morphs into Josh’s.  She calls him Joshua.  What happens next?   As long as the road leads to Jeva, I don’t care (yup, I’m back on board – I “get it”  that Josh is in pain realizing that the last time Reva fought cancer, he walked out on her and walked away with her sister.  Now he has to suffer knowing that she might be ill and as much as he wants to be there for her THIS time, he can’t).

Does Jeffrey realize he’s swimming upstream trying to keep Jeva apart and lets her go?

Does she go of her own accord, leaving Jeffrey at the altar?

I’ll take either, but I much prefer scenario 1.  Jeffrey has been too good to Reva for me to enjoy watching her break his heart.

Oddly enough, ATWT and AMC are the two soaps that seem to be less family focused than at any time in the past, and less family focused than any other soap on air.  AMC’s Fusion takeover?  Who freakin’ cares?  It’s an abomination that the writers have THE MAN, himself, Adam Chandler involved.  Babe is about 5 years past her ‘sell by’ date and any storyline that causes Adam to focus on Babe, Kendall, Greenlee, Annie, Amanda, and anything else to do with “Fusion” is a crime against viewers.

While ATWT and AMC are focusing more on individual characters and couples, rather than families, The Bold and The Beautiful has taken the family drama to the opposite direction.  BnB families are cannablizing one another and themselves.  The Logans have fallen apart as Brooke learns that her sister Katie has slept with her daughter’s recent husband shortly before they married and is now pregnant by him. 

Sister Donna Logan is sleeping with another man while her husband has remained comatose for just a few weeks.  For those unfamiliar with the show, her husband is her mother’s college sweetheart and twice her mother’s fiance.  He is also her older sister, Brooke’s, ex husband.  Whlie almost any other woman would feel shame that she’s betrayed her husband, Donna has spent more time reveling in the attention she’s received from her smokin’ hot new lover than thinking of how she’s betraying a man who was willing to give up everything for her.  Of course, that just opens the door for the Forrester family to get a little medieval on Donna once they catch her in the act.

The ‘Ballsy Move Award’ goes to the BnB writers.  I’m sure that most of you who are fans remember that Stephanie was out of her home mere WEEKS when Eric walked into their bedroom and found Donna naked in his bed.  Rather than throw her out, he went to bed with her that night, and woke up ‘in love’ with her the next morning.  Sure.  That’s real love there pal.  Guess where Donna and Owen are making out?  That’s RIGHT, in Stephanie and Eric’s marital bed.  I can’t explain how much I loved that moment.  Stephanie was at Eric’s side when he woke up from his coma, Donna was in his and Stephanie’s bed with another man. 

Will Donna’s actions spur on a new war between the Logans and the Forresters?  What happens to Bridget Logan Forrester – product of BOTH families?  She’s been betrayed by Katie (to some degree with Donna’s encouragement) though she still loves her mother and grandparents. 

For the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking forward to what comes next in the wacky lives of these two families.

Daytime’s greatest manwhores

From the title, you’ve probably realized that if you’re easily offended, this is not the “blog – column” entry for you. If you’ve chosen to keep reading, then also keep in mind that the title is misleading in two ways.

First, by adding ‘man’ to the title, it almost makes it seem as if the manwhore behavior is somehow different from their female colleagues who are beaten up mercilessly criticized for being a little free with the lovin’. It’s not; same behavior, different genders. The title ‘manwhore’ is just very ‘Deuce Bigalow’.

Second, when I use the word ‘daytime’, I’m obviously not including all of the great daytime manwhores through the ages. That would include the likes of The Frame brothers, of Another World Fame, and all their male kin. Putting the Frames on the list would leave little room for the rest of the contemporary ‘greats’ of daytime. For that reason I couldn’t including the Aldens (of Loving Fame), Jake McKinnon or Cass Winthrop (Another World), any many others.

Here’s my countdown of the current top ten daytime manwhores (your list may vary):

10. A tie! I couldn’t decide if the tenth spot should go to old school manwhore Bob Hughes or old school manwhore Johnny-Boy Dixon (As The World Turns). What makes Bob a bad boy? Well, Bob slept with sisters Kim and Jennifer and impregnated both women around the same time. Jennifer, as you may remember was the mother of Frannie Hughes, While Kim also gave birth to a baby girl, later named Sabrina.

Kim was lead to believe, by John Dixon, that her daughter had died. Instead, John gave Kim’s child up for adoption and Sabrina ended up being raised in England. It was during a trip to Europe when a young woman who could have passed for Frannie’s twin was encountered and the full story came to light. Oddly enough, by that time, Jennifer had passed away and Bob and Kim were married (though he’d been married to her best friend Lisa Hughes Grimaldi in between).

Not only did Bob and John get around, but their love lives were inextricably linked as they loved, and fought for, some of the same women. Bob made a habit of sleeping with the women his current wives called ‘friend’. John made a habit of getting almost every woman how loved him pregnant (including Kim). Friends, Enemies, Brothers in manwhoredom. If there’s a woman over fifty that either of these men has slept with or had a child with, it’s only because they’re related to her – by blood, otherwise? She’s fair game.

9. Stefano Dimera, Days of Our Lives. It’s no surprise that Joe Mascolo so easily alternated between his role on Days of Our Lives and shipping magnate Massimo Marone on The Bold and the Beautiful! Stefano’s left a woman with child in every port. I’ve lost track of Stefano’s children, there are so many of them. My guess is that there are two phrases Stefano isn’t use to hearing: “No” and “Birth Control”

8. Josh Lewis, Guiding Light.. If she’s a day away from a strait jacket, Josh has had sex with her (excluding my beloved diva, Reva, of course.). If she’s hours away from a strait jacket, he’s married her. To Josh’s credit, he’s not an indiscriminate manwhore. He tends to love every woman he’s with… and with… and with… until it’s time for her to be institutionalized, or jailed. Yeah, he’s that kind of manwhore. It’s probably a safe bet that Josh is on some prison pen pal list.

7, 6, 5. If his name is Snyder, he’s a male whore! No one intermarries like the Snyder boys. Angel Lang dated and fell in love with Caleb (or Cable, if you prefer). Followed him to Oakdale where she met and ended up falling for Holden Snyder, though she eventually fell in love with and married senior brother Seth Snyder, finding something that resembles happiness with him. Holden fell for Lily first, though Lily later fell for Caleb. Even Sainted Seth fell for Sabrina and Frannie (yes, THAT Sabrina and Frannie) and slept with Betsy Stewart Montgomery – a close family friend).

Holden Snyder, however, tops the list on his own. He’s picked up where John Dixon left off. I was convinced that when John dated Holden’s mother Emma that there would be a revelation that John was Holden’s biological father. It would explain so much. If John was going to populate half the town, by soap god, Holden was going to do his best to populate the other half! Holden, besides the children he shares with is current wife (including the child they lost to miscarriage) has had children with his brother Caleb’s wife, Julie, and with Molly, the cousin of his current love interest – Carly Tenney Snyder. (She’s the ex of his cousin, Jack). Did you follow all of that? I think it’s fair to ask, “ Has Holden’s zipper EVER been in the upright position?”

No one drops trou in anger, like our farm boy, Holden Snyder.

By the way, Jack Snyder? Brad Snyder? Good job on catching up with your Snyder cousins in such a short period, and by ‘good’ I mean, W.T.F.?

4. Patrick Drake, General Hospital. If it had a pulse and was capable of smiling in his direction, Patrick was there! Not even his abs of steel could stop fans from wondering if Patrick prescribed his own penicillin, or was he just somehow lucky enough to have not contracted anything more serious than the common cold. Bravo to Robin for getting Patrick to realize that most men are capable of thinking more clearly with their pants on. Most men anyway, that brings us to:

3. Sonny Corinthos, General Hospital – What’s left to say? If she’s new in town she’ll either end up sleeping with Sonny, OR sleep with him AND carry his child (assuming she hasn’t at some point in her past). No woman escapes her GH destiny. It would be nice if Sonny’s winkie gave off a hum or a beep as warning – you know, like the caution beep you hear just before a truck backs over you and leaves you for dead. Same principle.

2. Nick Marone, The Bold and the Beautiful. A mother (while she’s depressed and suicidal), a daughter (who’s lonely), the mother – again, after the death of his child with the daughter, then the mother AND daughter in 24 hours. You can add two of their female relatives, and that he’s working on a third, even though he’s back with ‘the daughter’. GH’s Patrick Drake may want to consider writing a prescription for Nick Marone. We were introduced to Nick as, literally, a sailor with a woman in every port (hence the link to DOOL’s Stefano/BnB’s Massimo. You can take the sailor off the high seas, but you can’t make him stop humping everything that crosses his path. Oh well.

1. Top dog, Eric Forrester, The Bold and The Beautiful. A little old school manwhore, a little new school manwhore. Eric has not only slept with a mother and TWO of her daughters, he’s done it over two decades. Eric doesn’t have to jump quickly for fear of not finding a woman in a vulnerable enough place as Nick Marone does.

What makes Eric top of the list (and bottom of the barrel) is that he’s kept his wife on a string the entire time – loving her for her behavior when he’s not in lust with another woman, condemning his wife for the same behaviors when he’s in lust with someone else. He’s become so obsessed with the objects of his desire, that he’s lost his family’s security and futures by allowing his current love to take over his family’s company just to keep her close.

Age? Not an issue. Younger or older, Eric loves them all, as long as they’re not his wife of more than 40 years, Stephanie Forrester – but hells bells, he’ll love even her in the ‘down time’ between affairs.

What makes him the manwhore extraordinaire? You mean besides all of the above? Eric demands fidelity from his current wives that he’s not likely to give to any woman he claims to love. The guy has stones!

What have we learned? First, that most of the male whoredom takes place on CBS soaps. Second, that it must be ‘soap genetic’ since it’s a trait that tends to run in soap families. Third, that daytime women are out of their minds. Who’d want any of these men!?!?!

Special thanks to CBS and Soap Digest for the photos!