If it don’t dangle in daytime, we don’t need it.

By ‘we’, I mean TPTB in charge of daytime. Some time ago I was convinced that strong women were making a comeback in daytime. What a fool I was. If the above subject header isn’t a strong enough descriptive slogan for daytime writers, execs, and others, try this one on:

“We hate children and the women who carry them!”

General Hospital

The only woman with balls on this show is the uber-psychotic Helena Cassadine , and she’s carrying the biggest shiniest brass set around! Oh yes, I used the term ‘balls’. Without ‘balls’ you may as well not exist in daytime. Apparently having ovaries makes you weak… and stupid.

Jason/Carly/Jax: I only thought The Bold and The Beautiful was awful when it comes to the treatment of women and children, but more on that later. If you’re associated with the BnB, GH gives you cause for celebration. I’m still processing the idea that Carly would rather share the moment that she finds out she’s pregnant with Jason instead of her HUSBAND. If you’re keeping track? The Mob boys are now practicing midwifery and other forms of OB/GYN arts… Apparently killing the ‘bad’ mob boys is a sideline profession for the ‘good’ mob boys. They’re now jack(asses) of all trades!

Would it have been too much to ask for Jax to know about his wife’s condition BEFORE Carly’s mob pals? Jason even got to read the pregnancy stick???? Good soapgod! How much effort would it have been for the writers to have Carly turn to Bobbie, you know her mother and an expert NURSE!?!?! She could have talked with Bobbie about her fears of losing this baby, received sage medical advice, and bonded more deeply with her mother in the process. Oh wait, I forgot… “Pre-head injury Jason” was pre-med before he got into the ‘kill’ game… that trumps Bobbie’s thirty plus years of nursing. It’s making sense to me, now. Jason’s dangle vs. Bobbie’s experience. No contest. Jason wins.

Jax was always concerned that Carly would never truly put him first in their marriage… She did the best she could to make him feel that he mattered, but when it mattered most? Carly turned to Jason. cShould we bet whether the writers have her name the kid ‘J’ – that’s it, just an initial. She’ll tell Jax it’s to ‘honor’ him, but secretly she’ll know the kid is named after ‘uncle’ Jason, too. Should we bet Vegas odds on whether the kid even makes it through the full nine months? If it makes it nine months, should we bet on how long it takes the writers to make it someone else’s or kill the child off?

If you’re not a daytime viewer, those questions probably seemed cruel. If you ARE a daytime viewer, you probably wish there was no basis for asking such questions. Given how frequently both events happen (child death or misattributed paternity), soap fans are holding their collective breath, waiting to see which of the two events happens. Live births are so rare in daytime, by comparison.

Sonny and Claudia: I’m still counting on the writers to reveal that the hitman who shot Michael was in fact hired by someone else, someone Sonny can kill without having to debate just how or when. That Claudia thinks that being pregnant with Sonny’s child will save her is almost funny. Well, it would be funny if it weren’t so tragic and misguided a belief.

Someone should inform Claudia that Sonny put a bullet in the head of his LAST wife while she was giving birth to his child. Yes, yes… accident! He thought she was in trouble and thought he was firing at Alcazar. The trouble is that he fired off a round in a home where he KNEW his pregnant wife was being held and that she was close to her due date. Obviously, the thought of ‘Sonny the hero’ mattered more than ‘Sonny the father of a live child and husband to a living wife’. Considering how many wives, children, and lovers he’d lost to death before that, you can see how, just maybe, his perspective is a little skewed.

Child or no, I can’t imagine the writers having Sonny kill off Claudia. As much as I try to fight it, Maurice Bernard and Sarah Brown have amazing onscreen chemistry and no amount of time apart has been able to diminish that fact. Personally, I think Claudia is too good for Sonny, but that’s me. If the writers are going to clear Claudia of Michael’s accidental shooting, I hope they do it SOON. There’s nothing ‘sexy’ or ‘romantic’ or ‘thrilling’ about watching a pregnant woman try to figure out how to stay alive after giving birth to the newest heir to the mob kingdom.

By the way, just how when and WHY did the writers decide to make the shift from having every child conceived by Sonny die early in the mother’s pregnancy, to having him populate half of the town’s children? Unless Port Chuckles decides to toss aside the laws against unlawful unions between sibs, SOMEONE else in that town had better start having children and FAST! Ric thinks the child is his? I’m pretty much hoping he’s right though it really doesn’t solve that many problems. He and Sonny share DNA. To my knowledge, this is the first daytime pregnancy created to protect the mother from potentially being killed at the hands of the father/or uncle, whichever Sonny turns out to me. You won’t find THAT in a Harlequin novel! Amateurs!

Robin, Patrick, Emma: First, let me get the chick stuff out of the way right now… O-M-G!!!!!!!! The baby playing Emma is SO CUTE! I’d take that baby in a heartbeat, she’s such a doll! What a sweetie pie! Great casting for a Scrubs baby.

Second? Lucky freakin’ baby – sitting on Patrick’s lap and all. Move over kid!

Third? Oh.HELL.NO…In the neverending quest to turn GH into the barely-modern version of Father Knows Best, who didn’t know that Robin would keep beating back EVERY advancement made in the PPD storyline? Who didn’t know she’d throw out her meds? Who didn’t know that she’d backslide on therapy? What was the point of her lying to Patrick about keeping her appointments? Who DIDN’T know that Robin would make some sort of tragic mistake with Emma? Robin has ovaries, after all.

I’ve hit a new frustration level with the treatment of the Scrubs family. I miss the ABC Daytime that had a longstanding tradition of treating real life social issues with sensitivity, accuracy, and great care. I’d hoped that would happen with the PPD storyline and that it would be treated as both informative and as a showcase for KM’s talent. I thought that much of what we would see is a depressed Robin unable to hold her child, drifting from her family, possibly walking away and deserting her child and husband. I thought we’d have Patrick unable to function, supported by both sets of parents and Mac. I thought we would get to watch Robin’s mother and father begin to help her by admitting their own failures as parents and begging her to break the cycle and fight to be there for Emma. I kept my fingers crossed… but I should have known better.

Writers/EPs/execs who seemingly hate daytime children and the women who carry them couldn’t possibly conceive of a storyline that didn’t include potential harm to a child! Isn’t it bad enough that GH fans began referring to baby Scrubs as ‘the Keebler Emma’ after Robin left her in a tree, this past winter? (Is it a mere coincidence that ABC was also the home of the serial ‘Men in Trees’? Men… Babies.. the viewer’s nerves! All up in trees these days.) Honest to goodness, can you even tell anyone who isn’t a soap fan about that scene? Geez. If it happened on the prime time show Scrubs, it would have been played for laughs and the writers would have made it perfectly clear that they were going for camp.

What’s next? GH fans refer to poor Emma as “Rock-a-bye Emma”? Come on, writers. There’s nothing exciting about watching an infant flipping down the stairs in a stroller because her mom hasn’t taken her anti-depressants and is too busy fighting about NOT being treated for PPD. It’s so horrifying to me that I turned the channel, and I can’t see myself tuning in Monday to find out what happens next. You, dear readers, will have to tell ME. Whatever it is, it most likely includes Patrick leaving Robin and another woman helping him ‘mend’ his broken heart- until the new love’s ovaries cause her to become unworthy of love in some way, too.

Not the only offender

GH isn’t alone in treating women and their children like spare parts; it’s just the worst offender in my book. How typical is it that two women end up pregnant by the same man? One, inevitably, has to lose her child – so that the other can plot to steal the living child and pass it off as her own (Days of Our Lives/Young and the Restless writers, if you’re feeling guilty right now? You SHOULD!). Don’t forget the plots in which women are duped into believing that their baby’s daddies have returned to their spouses and other children, so she has to abort, or attempt to abort, her child to protect HIS happiness (Young and the Restless, The Bold and The Beautiful)’

The Bold and the Beautiful deserves special mention. Anyone who knows me knows that Taylor Hamilton Hayes Forrester Marone is one of my LEAST favorite soap characters, but not even she deserved to be turned into a spare womb! Unable to conceive because her eggs were deemed inviable, Taylor and then husband Nick Marone chose to conceive using a donor egg. Of course, within hours after giving birth, Taylor found out that through a hospital mix-up she’d been impregnated with an egg from Brooke Logan Forrester – a woman she hated. Once she’d realized she couldn’t stay married to Nick, who began developing feelings for Brooke again, she decided to make a clean break from him and leave their marital home. Nick’s response? To call Brooke to come ‘home’ to him and ‘their’ son – before Taylor’s car was barely out of the driveway. He later decided to deny Taylor her parental rights, and Little Jack Marone has had TWO stepmothers since then. One womb is as good as another it seems.

Guiding Light? I can’t tell you how absurd it is that the writers had Reva Shayne Lewis TWICE undergo menopause, only to undergo chemo and radiation and still give birth to a healthy baby boy. Words fail me. A woman is only as good as her ovaries, I guess. <sigh>

As much as I’ve loved As The World Turns‘ Henry and Vienna, Katie and Brad, it was more than just a little uncomfortable watching the four friends share a hospital room as Vienna was undergoing an in vitro procedure to become a surrogate carrying what was supposed to be Katie and Brad’s child. Henry’s reaction was what you’d expect – excessive. Henry was so nervous and uncomfortable that he forced Brad to turn around so that he couldn’t ‘watch’. Henry also accidentally knocked Brad’s sperm sample to the ground. It was supposed to be funny. For me, it wasn’t. Sorry, but all I could think about, while Brad dragged Katie out to help him ‘make more’, was who’d have to clean it up (yeah yeah, no one it’s just a soap, but you know what I mean!) and if everyone was supposed to wait around until Brad and Katie returned.

One Life to Live... good times! Remember when Todd made Blair think their son was dead because he thought she’d cheated on him? Then he had her adopt the son he’d initially placed for adoption after he found out that Jack really was his? OLTL writers have topped themselves in the ‘ovaries leading to crazy grief’ storylines. Jessica now has to learn that the child she conceived with her now deceased husband has also died, and that one of her alters stole her cousin’s baby – born on the same night. Two pregnancies, one dead infant, more heartbreak to come. CAN’T WAIT!

What use to be a joyous occasion has become one of the most depressing events in daytime. The words ‘we’re pregnant’ are my two least favorite words in daytime, lately.

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There’s whoa and there’s WHOA!

Whoa!  Abe Carver is the new Mayor of Salem?  HELL YEAH!  Let the games begin.  Abe has always maintained his integrity as a police officer, but I have a feeling (no spoiler here) that Abe will find power as seductive, and corrupting, as the next man.  It’s time for the writers to open this character up.  Other than occasionally dropping in a briefly appearing family member for his wife to have an affair with, we still don’t know as much as we should about the man.  This could be the start of something magnificent for Abe.  A secret from his past comes back to haunt him?  All thanks to his father-in-law?  Seriously, writers, I’d pay you for that storyline.  I would – as long as you’re down with monopoly money!

WHOA!  Lexie Carver is the First Lady of Salem?  Hide the children, batten down the hatches, and pray good people of Salem… PRAY!  Any Dimera that gets that close to power also becomes increasingly more psychotic along the way… Gotta’ love the DAYS writers for that.  In an earlier blog I theorized that the writers would have Stefano extract his pound of flesh from Lexie once Abe took office.  Stefano is the obvious choice, but I wouldn’t mind having the writers surprise us and have EJ flex his DiMera muscle!  Torn between two loves and trying to fight off their father who is always scheming to steal custody of his and Nicole’s child could make a man desperate- Good luck, EJ, not that you’ll need it (hanky alert and spoiler if you haven’t already heard:  this is one baby that won’t make it… sad.  I was looking forward to an EJ/Nicole offspring.)

Then again, how likely is it that Abe will be in office long enough for either EJ or Stefano to blackmail Lexie into helping them?  Isn’t she overdue for an affair?  How long has she been faithful now, a year?   Lexie and ‘scandal’ are like twins.  Where one goes, the other follows!

Whoa! No shortage of romantic weddings on AMC?  Who are the wedding participants?

WHOA!  My money is on (and get this!)  Adam and Erica AND Reese and Bianca.  Reese and Bianca are the obvious, I think. They’re the only couple not swirling the drain right now.  Erica and Adam?  They’re my long shot favorite.  Sooner or later, J.R. WILL turn on Adam – it’s his history, it’s what he does.  J.R. turns on Adam as often as DAYS’ Lexie has an affair!  Given what Erica knows (and her fondness for Adam despite herself and despite his often loathsome behavior) Adam may need to marry to keep himself out of prison.

Whoa!  Fans have complained repeatedly about the ill treatment they’ve received at the hands of TPTB of daytime.

WHOA!  RogerD posting about Tom Casiello’s blog on “The Loss Soap Fans Don’t Know They’re Experiencing”  You’ve gotta read it, but first a warning:  If you’re already peeved about the fact that the more fans tell TPTB what they want,  the more they get the opposite in return, “The Loss” won’t make you feel any better.   You’re not crazy, it IS daytime, and seemingly only day time, that blows off its fans and seems to believe that fans are mindless drones, property of daytime, too busy drooling and dragging knuckles to figure out how to change the channel… how wrong they are.

WHOA!  The BnB writers know how to do ‘subtle’? Well geez, why not do subtle MORE OFTEN!?!?!?

Rick admits what we already knew, and what the writers have already admitted about Brooke and Ridge – the show has been centered on this couple from very early on:

Rick: I am, yes. Someone I’m hoping to lure into executive management. Steffy, come on. You gotta eat. (Laughs) besides, your dinner date ditched you.

Steffy: My dad didn’t ditch me. He had other plans, a better offer.

Rick: A better offer. And how does that make you feel?

Steffy: It was only dinner.

Rick: And how many is that now? Missed dinner dates and birthdays and graduations unattended. How was it for you growing up when my mother and your father decided that spending time together was more important than spending time with you?

Steffy: It was only dinner. We didn’t have any plans. He was already with brooke when I called.

Rick: He was with brooke? You see, steffy, we have more in common than you think.

Veteran viewers know that Ridge and Brooke spent MANY days and nights together, during BOTH partners’ many marriages/love affairs.  Ridge and Brooke have had the various ‘soul mate’ talks, have refused to give up ‘working’ with one another for the people they loved,a nd have fought tooth and nail to remain a part of one anothers’s lives, even when they hadn’t crossed the line.   Their affair was an emotional affair, instead of a sexual one.  Interesting… very subtle.

Bigger question about the writers, how long will they let Stephanie and Eric stay together this time?  Stephanie is truly the architect of her own misery, plotting with Rick against Ridge and Brooke knowing Eric wants them to be left alone.  Her liasion with Rick will end up costing her family a whole lot more… then again, add Eric to that mix.  Everyone who indulges Rick in his self-righteous behavior is only making things worse.

The devil (in high heels) made him do it

I was torn between the above title and this one: “The Storyline We’re Still Waiting For”  (about Nick and Jackie Marone, that is).

Well played, BnB writers, well played!  I can’t imagine that there’s one Bridge Forrester fan out there who isn’t fuming right now, wondering if it’s wrong to want to a ficitional character to be castrated!  Nick Marone 0s certainly a deserving target, if it’s not.  The evidence, you ask?  If you’re not a BnB viewer, the man is talking about a one night stand he had with his wife’s aunt – one he’s been lying about since it happened:

How does the jerk wad follow that up?  With THIS (Thanks, TVMegasite, for the transcript):

Katie: I don’t care if it’s wrong. I can’t regret the fact that I’m having your baby.

Nick: Well, if it’s wrong, then I’m guilty, too.

Katie: You really mean that?

Nick: (Sighs) I’d be lying if I didn’t say this confused me at first. (Clears throat) you know, I–

Nick: It should have felt wrong to me, and it didn’T. And I should have feared all the complications that we now face, and I didn’T. I was wondering why. (Laughs) why? You know, when you were on that island sick, and I was there with you… (sighs) my prayer was that before you died, you’d know how I felt.

Can someone tell me how Katie, pimping a Bridget-Nick reunion to Nick, drinking scotch and putting a puzzle together, turned into a deep and abiding love between these two?  They’ve gone from a sibling-like relationship to soul mates in about two hours worth of scenes.  That’s moving incredibly fast, even for the BnB.  Hold on to your last meal, readers, you may lose it if you continue read on:

Nick: So now we’re there. And I hope that you can feel that I love you.

Katie: (Sniffles)

Katie: (Sighs)

Nick: I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.

Katie: You haven’T. You haven’T. I-I think you just said that you love me, and I– I love you, too. You must know that. That’s why this baby is so precious, is so important to me, because–because it’s yours. It’s ours. It’s the one thing I have that we share, and– only we can’T.

Nick: But we have to. This baby’s not going away. You know that.

Katie: (Sighs) but what about everything else–

Nick: No, no, no, no. No “buts” about it. Listen to me. This child was conceived in the most magical moment. And this baby is gonna be amazing. This child is gonna be so special and bring so much joy into the world, because of love, because it was conceived in the deepest, most honest form of love, and that’s what he’ll know.

Katie: I hear what you’re saying, and I know it’s true, and to hear those words coming out of your mouth– they bring me so much joy. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would hear you say those things to me. I feel like I’m dreaming. But I know I’m not. I know I’m gonna have to wake up. This is just all so confusing. I-I don’t know what I’m allowed to feel. I don’t know if I’m allowed to be happy or excited. Help me, nick. Help me. Because a part of me hates myself for this.

And then there’s this:

Katie: You’ve pledged your life to bridget.

Nick: I have.

Katie: And she deserves all of you.

Nick: She deserves to have the best of me, and if I can’t give her that–

Katie: You’re happy with her. I know. I’ve seen you together.

Nick: We are.

Katie: (Sighs) this is just so complicated.

The reason it would be hard for Bridget to have the ‘best’ of Nick is that there is no ‘BEST” of Nick.  There’s bad… worse… and what a freakin’ waste of human DNA (even fictional DNA)

The writers are still skimming the surface with this guy.  All of his emotions are shallow. He wants to be Ridge Forrester and possess all Ridge has (including his family’s company, the woman he loves, his children).  He’s just met Katie, and suddenly he’s deeply in love with her, to the point of denying Bridget – a woman he’s known and ‘loved’ for years.  The mother of his first child.  He mourned his dead child (Nicole) – in his words, but never mentioned her while in bed with the dead child’s grandmother shortly after Nicole was buried.  He loved Taylor more than he’d loved before, or so he led her to believe, and was back to chasing Brooke and leading a double life when it was revealed that hers was the donor of the egg used to conceive his child with Taylor.

Easy to see how the man made it to the top of the Manwhore list.  When does it END!?!?!?

If the BnB ever returns to what made daytime great there has to be some focus on the way the Marone family uses sex as a way of life.  Jackie explained that ‘pride’ made her turn to prostitution to raise her child, instead of working or going on welfare.  If Jackie was a woman with no skills and without an education, that might have made sense.  There has to be more to it.   I’m not sure if the devil in high heels is Jackie, whose DNA flows through the pants-dropper’s veins, or if it’s about Nick spewing of the insta-love-and-destiny bullcrap as a way of excusing his actions.  SHE! did it.  SHE! made him fall in love – that’s why he continues to betray the women who’ve loved him and given him their full hearts. 

LOSER!

Whatever it is this mother-son have in common, it’s hurtful and painful to the people around them.  They’ve spent more time justifying their sexually inappropriate behaviors (too numerous to name for non BnB viewers) than trying to understand them.  The superficiality is killing both characters, Nick more quickly than Jackie, obviously.

Sooner or later, writers will have to explain to fans what the point is of keeping Nick around.  Nick will surely drop trou for the next Logan-Forrester woman he spends five minutes alone with – it’s his nature.  What else is there for him to do?  The character has never fit in on canvas and every time the show was redirected (characters’ histories changed, couples’ histories changed, the show’s focus changed) to shoehorn him in, it resulted in a disaster in the ratings. 

I’d only thought I lost my patience with this character, before.  I KNOW I have now.  He’s on an endless loop of one night stands, and impregnating the show’s cast.   There’s nothing left to see here, writers.  Nothing left to see.  <sigh>