Why AMC scares me…

AMC scares me because I actually <gulp> LIKE the show!  After so long of not caring whether the show was on or not, something is happening, and it’s huge (for me at least):

1.  Ryan Lavery has long been the bane of my existence.  Since he dumped Kendall and married Greenlee that  first time, I’ve despised the character with a flaming hot passion — which then makes it odd that he’s so often left me feeling cold.  Each of his prior relationships has been about him being the ‘big man’ who rescues and saves  each woman deemed ‘lucky’ enough to share his bed.  With Madison it’s different.  Whatever it is she brings to the screen (a strength that the others didn’t have, less need for rescue, the ability to ‘speak loudly’ even when she doesn’t say a word), it’s working for this show, and for Ryan.  She makes him tolerable and  I actually want to see more of them together!

I hope Binks is wrong and that Ryan isn’t still in love with Greenlee, only that he’s convinced himself that he is.  It’s time to sink that ship for good.  CM’s Ryan sinks to the level of the woman he’s with most of the time – despite the fact that he’s supposed to be the ‘good guy’, the ‘guiding force’ leading immature women into adulthood.  With Greenlee (and Kendall, and Annie, and…) Ryan was equally immature, substituting obnoxious faux  righteousness for maturity.  With Madison he is open, and honest, and reflective.  I’d like to see more of that from Ryan.  I’d forgotten that I once liked the character, until this past week.

2.  David and Greenlee.  RB’s Greenlee has never been an interesting character to me – not one time EVER.  Sure, I know it’s soap blasphemy to not whorship La Budig’s spoiled ill-tempered Greens, I get it.  I just don’t get her appeal.  The closest she’s ever come to working as a character is her relationship with Leo.  So, it makes sense that as friends-  or more, she’d work with David.   Other than the difference in hair color and age, the brothers had a lot in common.  Of course, Leo was  reformed bad boy.  David is a bad boy who became an unapologetic bad man… and did I thank you for that writers?   Greenlee is, with David, who I’ve always seen her as – together they are a malicious and wicked good time.  Thank you, again, writers.

4.NuBianca… Why not double down?  I’m all about the soap blasphemy, today.  I LOVE NuBianca.  I love her for several reasons, the most important being that in this case a fresh face really does feel like a fresh start for the character.  ER’s Bianca was lovely, but after some time her Bianca became a bit pious and tiresome.  The writers worked too hard to make her a wide-eyed doe in need of protection no matter how many life experiences she’d had that should have toughened her up.   NuBianca really sells it.  Her confrontations with Greenlee/David over Erica and Fusion were priceless.  This time I was rooting for Bianca simply because she was Bianca and not just because it was Greens she was in battle with – she felt like a young girl battling soul swallowing behemoths.

5.  Erica and Jackson.  I don’t care what the time or location is, I think I’ll always root for Erica and Jackson.  I loved them when Jackson was in love with Erica even though she was married to his brother.  While Travis wanted the perfect politician’s wife (and who was he fooling other than himself?), Jackson wanted Erica -mind, body, and soul.  She didn’t have to ‘become’ the woman he could see himself living the rest of his life with – as Travis had.  He already knew she was perfect for him.

The writers are teasing fans with the prospect of a reunion between the pair – after a battle between Jack and Erica’s mountain man rescuer, Caleb I’m sure … or is either man meant  for Krystal… or should we expect a Krystal/Caleb/Erica/Jackson quadrangle? How will this work?  Krystal will want Jackson, who’ll want Erica, who’ll want Caleb?  And just who will Caleb want, in return?

Time will tell.  It’s back to the drawing board for me.  This storyline, and those mentioned above have me intrigued AMCers.   What about you?  What are you loving (or not loving so much) about AMC?

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Ok…I’ll play, All My Children

It’s interesting how the slightest bit of dialogue can divert a viewer like me into a place where she creates her own dialogue.  Last week, Kendall opened the door to Ryan-self-styled-god-of-all-men-gift-to-all-women Lavery.  He opened with the statement… “Am I…?”… how he finished that statement is a mystery to me, because immediately in my mind I envisioned Kendall completing that sentence with:

a tool?  Yes!

a boil on the ass of humanity?  Yes!

the man any woman would punish herself for waking up next to?  Yes!

a narcissistic son-of-a-bitch darkening the doorstep of all decent townfolk? You betcha’!

I spent much of the time following his opening statement continuing with a  list of what I thought of as appropriate responses to his query.  Unfortunately, by the time I woke up from the haze,  Zach was nuturing “poor Reese” and my stomach muscles gave way… making it possible for me to relive my lunch.  The next time some says “better going in than coming out”, I’ll know FIRSTHAND what they mean.

AMC has a curious problem.  Great characters, save a few, an incredible history, and like GH, probably one of the most recognizable soaps in daytime.  People who’ve never seen a daytime soap have probably heard of Erica Kane, the show’s signature diva.  They’ve at least heard of  Susan Lucci if they’re not sure of the character she plays.

So why the commitment to such SUCKAGE!?!??!

David and Krystal?  They WORK as a couple.  I don’t know why –  other than the fact that both are a little bit/whole lot sleazy and always seeking to prove to others that they’re not.  Maybe it’s that they’re both equally deluded about Babe’s status as a (once) living saint – that’s a lot of deluded thought between the two of them.    David and Krystal don’t need the added stupidity of trying to steal Little A away from JR (throw in a “Spike” here and a “Greens” there and the writers should really rethink the nicknames for their characters).  It’s tired, it’s old, and the idea that they have to wrest custody of  ‘precious’ away from ‘the Dark Lord Sauron” keeps me from tuning in more than a day or two at a time.  AMC is just too painful to watch!

I don’t know if the writers are intentionally playing this storyline for comedy but it’s working as comedy for me.  David, probably the biggest sociopath in AMC history,  is concerned about JR raising his grandson. Heaven forbid that JR only teaches the kid to drink excessively rather than how to slip drugs to unsuspecting women, among David’s other fine acts of ‘heroism’.  JR has had fits of madness on occasion, but he’s a damned better person than David has ever been.  And speaking of what once was:

The current show makes me long for:

  • the days when Brooke English and Erica Kane were chewing scenery in a knockdown drag out.  I think it’s time for Brooke tocome back, adding a bit of dignity to this show, and to have the upperhand on Erica.  It’s time!
  • the possibility of seeing anyone named Tyler!  I miss the Tyler’s and the expanded Martin clan.
  • Tom Cudahy.  I want him back full time as well.  What conflict would there be with Tom and Brooke remembering Laura, and his current relationship with Olivia (are they still together)?    Wouldn’t JR’s drinking storyline make more sense if he was mentored by someone who’d been there an survived alcoholism?
  • the days when AMC didn’t destroy it’s glorious ground-breaking history.  I’d accept any storyline to undo the unabortion.  There’s just NO WAY Erica’s child came back from an abortion, NO WAY.
  • Nina and Cliff (no need for Bobby to return).  I want them around either full time or visiting frequently.
  • Opal and Palmer on frontburner, and possibly Daisy making trouble in their lives, but not because she wants Palmer, but because she believes she’s entitled to half his estate and we find out she actually is!  Imagine some odd couple sistuation in which Daisy and her new love live with Opal and Palmer until the legal mess is resolved.
  • a reach back in AMC history.  I wonder if Devon an Lynn ever met up in another place, at another time.  Are they together, now?  Could they return to Pine Valley and have NEITHER of them fall in love with Zach or become pregnant by him?  By AMC standards, the lesbians like ‘the Zach’.  Apparently they have to work hard to resist him.
  • Where is Mark?  Shouldn’t Erica have more family around her now?  She’s lost so much, and stands to lose more the way this show is going.
  • Dixie!  I want her back with Tad.
  • An Erica romance.  I want Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Roy Roy Montgomery Montgomery Chandler Marick Marick Montgomery to find happiness, at last.  How could Eric possibly do better than to be with Jackson Montgomery?

In short, I pretty much want anything other than most of what’s airing now.

4 words: Monkeys. Typewriters. Locked Rooms

You know the old writers’ insult, “Monkeys banging on typewriters could do a better job!” Imagine if you not only handed a room full of monkeys a set of typewriters (uh, keyboards), but you then locked them in. Well… that’s ONE way to force them to concentrate on completing your scripts, but watch out! Locking them in a room might add insult to injury and monkeys are pretty vengeful. They also have a pretty wicked sense of humor. Make sure you READ the scripts before you film and then air them for long suffering fans.

One Life to Live

Bitchy Marty, Bitchy Tea, Bitchy TeBessica… ‘effin.love.them.all.

Jessica apologizing and groveling at Natalie’s feet? No thanks. I felt sympathy for Nat “the outsider” for about 10 minutes. I’m over it. She’s still sleeping with the man who cost her sister’s husband his life. An accident? Sure… after months of deceiving him and destroying everything he’d built for his family. I’m hoping Tess and Bess have teamed up to finish taking Nat and Jared down – without plotting anyone’s death, by the way. Abject misery is enough for me, thanks. Tea taking guff from Blair? I don’t think so. Tea and Blair live different realities. Tea is a badass by nature. She’s shown tremendous growth and change and I love how spunky she is. Blair? Badass, on occasion, doormat more often than not. The woman slept with Spencer Truman just after Todd, the ‘great love’ of her life, was sentenced to execution. Despite every reasonable warning to the contrary, she made Truman a part of her children’s lives. My money is on Tea. Marty Saybrooke being left alone with Janet Ketring/Lee Halpern? Seriously, were the monkeys also STONED when they banged out that moment? Writers, keep an eye on the script monkeys, they’re making you look bad!

It’s annoying enough that Bo and Nora’s situational ethics drag every other living Llanview resident through the muck, but Bo and Tahlia leaving JK/LH alone with an angry and self-destructive Marty? The woman tried to force Todd to commit suicide for what he did to her (with JK/LH’s help). So they let her confront JK/LH, alone, wearing a coat which could very well have contained a weapon, and carrying an uzi sized purse? They actually LEFT the motel? I have to say, violence isn’t my thing, but I got a chuckle out of JK/LH cracking a vase over Talia’s head and taking off. Too bad Bo didn’t get one of those, as well! You’d think JK/LH was a witness for the defense  for as careless as they’ve been about her safety.  It must be nice to be pals with people like Bo and Nora. They use their offices to go after people you don’t like if you’re a friend, no matter how flimsy the evidence, nor the cost to the good folks of Llanview.

Oh, and locked-away-typewriter-banging monkeys? Less smug from Antonio and Nora, please. They’re on the side of RIGHT, and they leave me wanting to see Tea wipe the smug off of their faces – unless that’s what you wanted and then I feel played (well done). If I’m wrongfully faulting you and it’s the choices made by the actors, please speak to the director and ask him to handle it.

The Bold and The Beautiful

Bridget is a designer now? You magnificent vengeful monkeys, you! You really did get the last laugh, didn’t you? I wish I could laugh with you, but I can’t. It hurts. Did you have to pay the writers back at the viewers’ expense? An accelerated undergrad preMed program, supposed ‘years’ of study in medical school. Internships, Residency, saving lives, bringing babies into the world, bringing her aunt Katie back from the dead, saving her brother from jail following Phoebe’s death… and Bridget wants to give it all up to start designing for the company that just ripped off her father’s and brother’s newest collection. Bridget… giving up medicine for THAT!

She’s doodled haute couture  gowns for years and was just too afraid to tell anyone?  Her work is even better than life-long designer Clarke Garrison… stuff she sketched when not practicing medicine 23/6 and no one knew?  Uh, because despite the fact that EVERY one of her adult sibs, her nieces and nephew, and BOTH of her parents work in the fashion industry, she was too afraid to tell them she has a passion for fashion? Ok, works in your universe, but typewriter-banging-monkeys, if the writers don’t feed you, refuse to type out scripts on an empty stomach. It makes you a little loopy.

This wouldn’t hurt so bad if it weren’t a follow up to the “fabulous Paminis”… Pam Douglas, insta-designer with a CROCHET technique so secret that only Pam can churn out the one of a kind hot yarn bikinis… So what is Bridget’s Auntie Pam kicking out? 20 a day in the Forrester sweatshop? Monkeys, explain yourselves! Is there something in the air at FC that makes anyone who passes through the hallowed halls a genius in the design world (all except Clarke it seems)?

Guiding Light

Alan wanting revenge against a cheating Beth? I get that. For once in his life, Alan is as devoted as he’s ever has been to a woman, maybe the most faithful he’s ever been. (Beth hasn’t been faithful to anyone since she was a teen) She  gives birth to his child, while still raising his grandchildren and making him part of their lives.  Then she cheats on him. He now knows that he’s met his match in Beth.  No one loves Alan as much as he loves himself.  Ditto on Beth. He’s sleeping with his mirror image and it’s driving him mad, life is a cruel mistress, Alan.

I WANT Alan to make Beth miserable, and not for his sake, but because Beth is supremely selfish and sucks as a person. BUT…Alan grabbing the letter opener, TWICE (something TPTB aired when the scenes picked up with a third and fourth time during the next day’s episode, too)? Good mercy. Giving the audience the impression that he would just as soon plunge the opener into her heart because his heart was broken? YIKES!

I don’t remember Alan being violent with women, especially not to the point of contemplating a brutal death for one. He likes owning and controlling women, but he likes owning and controlling everyone. He usually shows more finesse. The old Alan would have had Coop arrested on some trumped up charge, claimed ‘Company’ for himself – leaving Buzz penniless, and set Beth up to think she was going crazy again just to get custody of Peyton. He would have done it all before lunch!  He actually would have kept Buzz on at the restaurant he stole from him and had Buzz SERVE him lunch. Alan is psychotic, but he’s no thug.

Monkeys, you owe the GL writers an apology for what you’ve done to their beloved Alan Spaulding. Shame on you.

All My Children

Zach. Killing Josh. Fathering Gabrielle. Eye-boinking with Reese. Expecting Kendall to understand. Vicious little typewriter-banging-monkeys… You’ve outdone yourselves. I actually like the potential fallout from this one. No criticism, here. This is all soapy goodness. AMC was lucky to have you on staff when you wrote that part of the plot. Kendall, forgive Binks, Reese, and Zach. PRICELESS!

While you’re at it, write that script where David Hayward is loving and unselfish, Adam Chandler has sworn off manipulating the people he loves, Erica Kane gives up designer clothes and all other perks of fine living, and JR Chandler stays sober! See how silly it all seems that anyone would expect forgiveness from Kendall? Whatever she does to them, they’ve got it coming. Maybe Zach should keep a picture of his happy parts in a safe location. The doctors will need it when they’re working on the reattachment and reconstruction!

I can’t give you a pass on Amanda’s pregnancy, however. Does anyone remember the last daytime pregnancy where the mother knew who her child’s father was (Binks excluded, of course) and there was no scandal around the pregnancy? (Whoops, Binks back in!) Why another contested paternity? It’s not like there’s been a shortage of them.

Then again, you’ve been writing for Annie and she’s freakin’ wonderful, so it all evens out in the wash!

Clearly, it’s the turkey talking…

I’m always giddy for about a week before the Thanksgiving holiday… mad with anticipation.  It happens every year and it’s the only thing I can think of that explains the fact that I loved daytime last week.  I can’t think of a thing I truly disliked.  I enjoyed most of what aired!  WOW!

The Young and the Restless – Poor deluded, insecure, Phyllis.  LOVED her reaction to Nick and Sharon’s closeness and that she made sure that everyone knew that she felt ‘thankful’ for a husband who made her feel “sexy”.  I LOVED that Sharon wasn’t at all affected by the possessive kiss Phyllis planted on Nick.  Loved  Nikki and Paul.   I get a little tingly watching them!  Daytime writers always receive huge kudos for remembering the show’s history and giving us a reason to cheer historic couple on.  Veteran viewers will remember the STD storyline  that ended the relationship between these characters when they were younger adults – opening the door to Victor and Nikki.  It’s an old storyline that still makes some cringe at the thought of the two of them getting together now.  I say, BIG DEAL.  Paul made mistakes when he was younger.  Look at the man he is now.  Victor never gave Nikki an STD, but he hasn’t given her much else, either.  Paul is so gentle, so sweet, and so caring.  It’s been a while since Nikki has had a man like Paul.  She’s so use to being treated like property that the tenderness she shares with Paul must be akin to a drowning woman being tossed a life raft.

Hey, it doesn’t hurt that Doug Davidson has grown sexier over time and brings a dignity and integrity to the character of Paul that makes me wonder what took writers so long to decide to make him a leading man, again. Better late than never, writers.  What a huge plus for veteran viewers like myself who aren’t as fond of new gang of unlikable leads – and you know who they are even if the writers don’t.  We get a character we’ve loved for a long time, in a surprising storyline that works.   Daytime writers are always patting themselves on the back for ‘taking chances’.  These are the sort of chances viewers want more of – playing with the show’s history and taking us somewhere we hadn’t expected to go.

One Life To Live – Erika Slezak has once again proven that she can take the very worst the writers throw at an audience and spin it into Emmy gold!  Breathing new life into Viki Lord Davidson, she almost, ALMOST, gave me a reason to feel sorry for Todd.  While that moment was fleeting, my complete and total awe of ES’s performance remains.  That Viki suggested that the only true escape from the Lord legacy was death made me gasp.  Viki’s expression of emotional and psychological exhaustion and devastation was probably the most amazing work anyone has done on this show in a while.  There are things best left forgotten, and there are those things too horrific to forget. The only option when you’re dealing with the latter is to do what you have to do to survive them.  To have the sexual assault of Viki revealed and brought to light again was painful for many viewers, I suspect.  As peeved as I still am at the writers for the Marty/Todd storyline, I have to admit that they’ve done a magnificent job laying out the case for viewing the Lord family in new perspective.  It doesn’t make me want to forgive Todd, but it does add a layer of tragedy to the storyline that I hadn’t considered before.

The Bold and The Beautiful: DELICIOUS!  I found myself wondering if the writers wanted us to view Eric as a man who is so pathetic that his children can’t help but play on his stupidity and his vanity.  It’s not just one son who is lying to and deceiving him, but TWO!  Rick has led him to believe that he was more seriously hurt than he actually was.  Thorne tricked him into believing that Donna was cheating on him.  I’m sure this storyline was supposed to be another ‘pity poor Donna’ attempt.  Sorry, writers, no dice.   That won’t happen.  Donna is irrelevant at this point.  So much of Eric’s life has been spent being pampered and catered to that his children knew exactly which buttons to push to make him dance to their tune.  How perfect is it that a man who has only been passingly acquainted with the term ‘fidelity’ demands and expects it from others?  My only real disappointment with this storyline is that Donna will probably end up crying on the ever willing Owen’s shoulder. Poor Budge will become Owen’s friend and confidante, when she should be the woman he falls in love with – but it would be too much to have the writers allow Bridget to be happy.

DAYS Of Our Lives – Nicole, Nicole, Nicole… Zuker was perfect, of course.  Just when you’re convinced that Nicole Walker is completely soulless, Zuker pulls out the most amazing performance and reminds you that Nicole’s rough and hard exterior only serves to protect her incredibly soft heart.  I just love this character.  I may not like what’s coming for our Nicole Walker Dimera, but Zuker makes me want to hang in there and watch just for the performances.  GO GET ‘EM, Nicole!

All My Children –  O… M… G!!!!  Annie?  YIKES!  I know it was Annie Lavery carrying that bloody knife and wedding bouquet, last week, but honest to goodness, I just kept seeing Richie’s face.  If only the residents of Pine Valley knew then what they know now.  I was sorry to see Annie sacrificed on the doomed altar of Ryan and the oft-fleeing Greenlee, but I’ll have to thank the writers for letting Annie go away with a bang, and not a whimper.  I had such a grand time watching Annie act out the last scenes of ‘Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?” that I almost didn’t care whose blood was on the knife.

General Hospital. I’ve long since lost my stomach for General Hospital, but I have to say that  I didn’t mind the show last week.  Sonny’s descent into madness… correction:  Sonny’s CURRENT/LATEST descent into madness has been oddly entertaining.  Like so many times before, Sonny has been loathed to take the counsel of anyone else, save Jason, and he’s even lost that.  Now his actions may cost Jason the one person he cares about above anyone else, his son.  I’ve been uber disgusted with Elizabeth’s character.  I’ve never been a Jason and Elizabeth fan and can’t imagine that I ever will be.  In part because being with Jason is such a betrayal of everything Elizabeth has been about in the past (not to mention that her lie of a relationship with Jason cost poor Lucky so much).  Liz was always quick to point out what a bad mother Carly was, that Carly kept putting her sons in danger by being with Sonny. Now?  She sees firsthand what a life with a mobster is worth.  Will the writers pull the wool back from Elizabeth’s eyes?  Will she stop pretending that when Jason kills it’s ‘holy’ and ‘noble’?  Will she wonder why she traded in a man who lives on the RIGHT side of the law for the man who clings to the wrong side of it?  NAH!  It wouldn’t be General Hospital if that happened, right?

BTW, if I didn’t love the Robin-Patrick pairing, I would be seriously considering rooting on an Elizabeth-Patrick pairing… er, how HAWT were they?

As The World Turns. Brian/Lucinda/Luke… Oh dear.  Luke, in the driver’s seat.  Watching Luke make Brian uncomfortable?  PRICELESS.  “Grabby Grandpa Bad Touch” will learn to keep his hand to himself.   As much as I hate the idea of Brian deceiving Lucinda, I love the idea of Luke making Brian sweat a little.  Brian lost any appeal as a sympathetic character (at least in the short term) the moment he tried to make Luke believe he was both drunk and delusional, that he (Luke) misinterpreted the kiss.  I have to say that I wasn’t too keen to watch this storyline play out.  I’m sitting on the edge of my seat now.  I still think the writers are going with a sexual harassment storyline with this one.  Brian, so deep in the closet that even HE doesn’t know where he is, sexually harasses young men – those who are often the least powerful.  When they call him on it, he faults them, tells them they’re imagining things, that he was only being a friend.  Oh Brian, you picked the wrong man, this time.  Luke (and Noah) willl probably be the people who expose his past.  This should be good.  Take him down, boys, make him sorry for being the sleaze he is… until Lawrence Lau eats the dialogue the writers hand him, does that thing he does oh so well, and makes us all fall in love with Brian and actually feel sorry for him…

What did YOU love about your favorite shows this past couple of weeks?

Bad Day – Worse Day – Just Be Glad That…

Bad Day?  Your mother wants you to call her new boyfriend ‘uncle’ (Liberty Ciccone, As The World Turns).

Worse Day?  He really IS your uncle.

Just be glad that… he’s your father’s brother and not your mother’s brother!

Bad Day?  Your mother sleeps with the man you love.

Worse Day?  Your GRANDMOTHER sleeps with the man you love (Chelsea Brady, Days of Our Lives).  It sucks to have a hot grandmother, doesn’t it:?  Kate Roberts has never been the type to sit home and bake cookies.

Just be glad that… he didn’t sleep with your great-grandmother.  Dude, you just can’t live something like THAT down.

Bad Day?  Your favorite daytime soap goes dark.  A show that was once filled with love, romance, and laughter is now a show about death and destruction.  I’ve never forgiven General Hospital writers for killing Justice Ward and stuffing his body in the trunk of a car.. Justice FREAKIN’ WARD… a Quartermaine heir!  Fargin sons of bastiges!  ICEHOLES!

Worse Day?  Not only does your beloved show cling to the dark side, featuring an endless “murderous mobsters with hearts of gold” storyline, they begin casting actors who are renowned for playing mobsters in film and primetime.  Sopranos onscreen capo Vicent Pastore (Big P), welcome to the show.  Just know that we don’t fault YOU! 

Just be glad that…  the dipwads in charge didn’t cast Pee Wee Herman as the new mob boss.  GH’s lollipop mob already lacks credibility.  Danny Vermin was more believable as a mobster. They don’t deal drugs, they don’t push prostitution (any more), they don’t take protection money… Good luck, Vinnie P.  You may have just lost YOUR mob character cred!

Bad Day?  You find out your psychotic sister, Pam Douglas, hasn’t been taking her meds in more than three months (Stephanie Forrester, BnB).  She decides to ‘protect’ and help you by tying your rival to a chair, smearing her with honey, and enticing a bear to attack the ‘hot tamale’ now married to your husband…

Worse Day?  She fails.

Just be glad that… oh hell, there IS no silver lining here!  She FAILED!

Bad Day? AMC’s Erica Kane has a bit of a fit when she finds out that her protege has spent the night with a man she still deeply loves.  It prompts a battle between her inner angel and inner devil.  The inner devil wins.

Worse Day?  No one notices, Erica’s inner devil almost ALWAYS wins.

Just be glad that… Erica doesn’t have a twin!

Bad Day?  Your husband’s tragic and violent death triggers your alter personality to take over and cause you to turn into a raving lunatic who develops an evil plan for revenge (Tess/Jessica Nash, OLTL).

Worse Day?  No one notices the change in behavior.

Just be glad that… well, I was going to say ‘see Erica Kane’, but Jessica IS a twin.  Just be glad that she hasn’t been widely exposed, yet.  Tess is such a great bad girl and Jessica will be home, soon enough.

Bad Day?  You risk your own life to rescue an ex-husband who likes to periodically remind you that you were once a stripper.  He tops it by telling you you’d be nothing without him. (Nikki Newman, Young and the Restless).

Worse Day?  When you find him, he’s such a bastard, you forget why you wanted to rescue him in the first place.

Just be glad that… you’re not the recently deceased ‘Mrs. Great Man, herself’ he’s grieving for.  What’s that?  Oh, I know that the recently deceased ‘Mrs. Great Man, herself’ has a name, but she’s married to ‘The Great Man, himself’, so whatever HER name was just isn’t important.  Don’t beleive me?  Just ask Victor!

Bad Day?  Your sister-in-law poisons you and no one figures out it was poison until much later (BnB, Eric Forrester).

Worse Day?  She nearly took you out by adding an overdose of potassium to the lemon bars she bakes for you.

Just be glad that… your name is not Dixie Martin and that AMC writers aren’t penning this storyline.  Dixie was killed by posioned peanut butter pancakes! It’s rough out there in soap land, no wonder they’re all so skinny.  Daytime characters need food tasters.

Bad Day? You pay a man to ‘scare off’ a woman you hate.  You save her just as he’s about to sexually assault her – you save her because you’ve just found out that she’s your daughter. (Olivia Spencer, Guiding Light).  He later kills your friend’s daughter and eventually escapes prosecution.

Worse Day?    You offer to pay him to sleep with you because you’re lonely.  Oh yeah – they roll that way on Guiding Light, these days! 

Just be glad that… you’re not watching.  I’ve seen the ratings, you’re not!