If it don’t dangle in daytime, we don’t need it.

By ‘we’, I mean TPTB in charge of daytime. Some time ago I was convinced that strong women were making a comeback in daytime. What a fool I was. If the above subject header isn’t a strong enough descriptive slogan for daytime writers, execs, and others, try this one on:

“We hate children and the women who carry them!”

General Hospital

The only woman with balls on this show is the uber-psychotic Helena Cassadine , and she’s carrying the biggest shiniest brass set around! Oh yes, I used the term ‘balls’. Without ‘balls’ you may as well not exist in daytime. Apparently having ovaries makes you weak… and stupid.

Jason/Carly/Jax: I only thought The Bold and The Beautiful was awful when it comes to the treatment of women and children, but more on that later. If you’re associated with the BnB, GH gives you cause for celebration. I’m still processing the idea that Carly would rather share the moment that she finds out she’s pregnant with Jason instead of her HUSBAND. If you’re keeping track? The Mob boys are now practicing midwifery and other forms of OB/GYN arts… Apparently killing the ‘bad’ mob boys is a sideline profession for the ‘good’ mob boys. They’re now jack(asses) of all trades!

Would it have been too much to ask for Jax to know about his wife’s condition BEFORE Carly’s mob pals? Jason even got to read the pregnancy stick???? Good soapgod! How much effort would it have been for the writers to have Carly turn to Bobbie, you know her mother and an expert NURSE!?!?! She could have talked with Bobbie about her fears of losing this baby, received sage medical advice, and bonded more deeply with her mother in the process. Oh wait, I forgot… “Pre-head injury Jason” was pre-med before he got into the ‘kill’ game… that trumps Bobbie’s thirty plus years of nursing. It’s making sense to me, now. Jason’s dangle vs. Bobbie’s experience. No contest. Jason wins.

Jax was always concerned that Carly would never truly put him first in their marriage… She did the best she could to make him feel that he mattered, but when it mattered most? Carly turned to Jason. cShould we bet whether the writers have her name the kid ‘J’ – that’s it, just an initial. She’ll tell Jax it’s to ‘honor’ him, but secretly she’ll know the kid is named after ‘uncle’ Jason, too. Should we bet Vegas odds on whether the kid even makes it through the full nine months? If it makes it nine months, should we bet on how long it takes the writers to make it someone else’s or kill the child off?

If you’re not a daytime viewer, those questions probably seemed cruel. If you ARE a daytime viewer, you probably wish there was no basis for asking such questions. Given how frequently both events happen (child death or misattributed paternity), soap fans are holding their collective breath, waiting to see which of the two events happens. Live births are so rare in daytime, by comparison.

Sonny and Claudia: I’m still counting on the writers to reveal that the hitman who shot Michael was in fact hired by someone else, someone Sonny can kill without having to debate just how or when. That Claudia thinks that being pregnant with Sonny’s child will save her is almost funny. Well, it would be funny if it weren’t so tragic and misguided a belief.

Someone should inform Claudia that Sonny put a bullet in the head of his LAST wife while she was giving birth to his child. Yes, yes… accident! He thought she was in trouble and thought he was firing at Alcazar. The trouble is that he fired off a round in a home where he KNEW his pregnant wife was being held and that she was close to her due date. Obviously, the thought of ‘Sonny the hero’ mattered more than ‘Sonny the father of a live child and husband to a living wife’. Considering how many wives, children, and lovers he’d lost to death before that, you can see how, just maybe, his perspective is a little skewed.

Child or no, I can’t imagine the writers having Sonny kill off Claudia. As much as I try to fight it, Maurice Bernard and Sarah Brown have amazing onscreen chemistry and no amount of time apart has been able to diminish that fact. Personally, I think Claudia is too good for Sonny, but that’s me. If the writers are going to clear Claudia of Michael’s accidental shooting, I hope they do it SOON. There’s nothing ‘sexy’ or ‘romantic’ or ‘thrilling’ about watching a pregnant woman try to figure out how to stay alive after giving birth to the newest heir to the mob kingdom.

By the way, just how when and WHY did the writers decide to make the shift from having every child conceived by Sonny die early in the mother’s pregnancy, to having him populate half of the town’s children? Unless Port Chuckles decides to toss aside the laws against unlawful unions between sibs, SOMEONE else in that town had better start having children and FAST! Ric thinks the child is his? I’m pretty much hoping he’s right though it really doesn’t solve that many problems. He and Sonny share DNA. To my knowledge, this is the first daytime pregnancy created to protect the mother from potentially being killed at the hands of the father/or uncle, whichever Sonny turns out to me. You won’t find THAT in a Harlequin novel! Amateurs!

Robin, Patrick, Emma: First, let me get the chick stuff out of the way right now… O-M-G!!!!!!!! The baby playing Emma is SO CUTE! I’d take that baby in a heartbeat, she’s such a doll! What a sweetie pie! Great casting for a Scrubs baby.

Second? Lucky freakin’ baby – sitting on Patrick’s lap and all. Move over kid!

Third? Oh.HELL.NO…In the neverending quest to turn GH into the barely-modern version of Father Knows Best, who didn’t know that Robin would keep beating back EVERY advancement made in the PPD storyline? Who didn’t know she’d throw out her meds? Who didn’t know that she’d backslide on therapy? What was the point of her lying to Patrick about keeping her appointments? Who DIDN’T know that Robin would make some sort of tragic mistake with Emma? Robin has ovaries, after all.

I’ve hit a new frustration level with the treatment of the Scrubs family. I miss the ABC Daytime that had a longstanding tradition of treating real life social issues with sensitivity, accuracy, and great care. I’d hoped that would happen with the PPD storyline and that it would be treated as both informative and as a showcase for KM’s talent. I thought that much of what we would see is a depressed Robin unable to hold her child, drifting from her family, possibly walking away and deserting her child and husband. I thought we’d have Patrick unable to function, supported by both sets of parents and Mac. I thought we would get to watch Robin’s mother and father begin to help her by admitting their own failures as parents and begging her to break the cycle and fight to be there for Emma. I kept my fingers crossed… but I should have known better.

Writers/EPs/execs who seemingly hate daytime children and the women who carry them couldn’t possibly conceive of a storyline that didn’t include potential harm to a child! Isn’t it bad enough that GH fans began referring to baby Scrubs as ‘the Keebler Emma’ after Robin left her in a tree, this past winter? (Is it a mere coincidence that ABC was also the home of the serial ‘Men in Trees’? Men… Babies.. the viewer’s nerves! All up in trees these days.) Honest to goodness, can you even tell anyone who isn’t a soap fan about that scene? Geez. If it happened on the prime time show Scrubs, it would have been played for laughs and the writers would have made it perfectly clear that they were going for camp.

What’s next? GH fans refer to poor Emma as “Rock-a-bye Emma”? Come on, writers. There’s nothing exciting about watching an infant flipping down the stairs in a stroller because her mom hasn’t taken her anti-depressants and is too busy fighting about NOT being treated for PPD. It’s so horrifying to me that I turned the channel, and I can’t see myself tuning in Monday to find out what happens next. You, dear readers, will have to tell ME. Whatever it is, it most likely includes Patrick leaving Robin and another woman helping him ‘mend’ his broken heart- until the new love’s ovaries cause her to become unworthy of love in some way, too.

Not the only offender

GH isn’t alone in treating women and their children like spare parts; it’s just the worst offender in my book. How typical is it that two women end up pregnant by the same man? One, inevitably, has to lose her child – so that the other can plot to steal the living child and pass it off as her own (Days of Our Lives/Young and the Restless writers, if you’re feeling guilty right now? You SHOULD!). Don’t forget the plots in which women are duped into believing that their baby’s daddies have returned to their spouses and other children, so she has to abort, or attempt to abort, her child to protect HIS happiness (Young and the Restless, The Bold and The Beautiful)’

The Bold and the Beautiful deserves special mention. Anyone who knows me knows that Taylor Hamilton Hayes Forrester Marone is one of my LEAST favorite soap characters, but not even she deserved to be turned into a spare womb! Unable to conceive because her eggs were deemed inviable, Taylor and then husband Nick Marone chose to conceive using a donor egg. Of course, within hours after giving birth, Taylor found out that through a hospital mix-up she’d been impregnated with an egg from Brooke Logan Forrester – a woman she hated. Once she’d realized she couldn’t stay married to Nick, who began developing feelings for Brooke again, she decided to make a clean break from him and leave their marital home. Nick’s response? To call Brooke to come ‘home’ to him and ‘their’ son – before Taylor’s car was barely out of the driveway. He later decided to deny Taylor her parental rights, and Little Jack Marone has had TWO stepmothers since then. One womb is as good as another it seems.

Guiding Light? I can’t tell you how absurd it is that the writers had Reva Shayne Lewis TWICE undergo menopause, only to undergo chemo and radiation and still give birth to a healthy baby boy. Words fail me. A woman is only as good as her ovaries, I guess. <sigh>

As much as I’ve loved As The World Turns‘ Henry and Vienna, Katie and Brad, it was more than just a little uncomfortable watching the four friends share a hospital room as Vienna was undergoing an in vitro procedure to become a surrogate carrying what was supposed to be Katie and Brad’s child. Henry’s reaction was what you’d expect – excessive. Henry was so nervous and uncomfortable that he forced Brad to turn around so that he couldn’t ‘watch’. Henry also accidentally knocked Brad’s sperm sample to the ground. It was supposed to be funny. For me, it wasn’t. Sorry, but all I could think about, while Brad dragged Katie out to help him ‘make more’, was who’d have to clean it up (yeah yeah, no one it’s just a soap, but you know what I mean!) and if everyone was supposed to wait around until Brad and Katie returned.

One Life to Live... good times! Remember when Todd made Blair think their son was dead because he thought she’d cheated on him? Then he had her adopt the son he’d initially placed for adoption after he found out that Jack really was his? OLTL writers have topped themselves in the ‘ovaries leading to crazy grief’ storylines. Jessica now has to learn that the child she conceived with her now deceased husband has also died, and that one of her alters stole her cousin’s baby – born on the same night. Two pregnancies, one dead infant, more heartbreak to come. CAN’T WAIT!

What use to be a joyous occasion has become one of the most depressing events in daytime. The words ‘we’re pregnant’ are my two least favorite words in daytime, lately.

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And so it begins: Otalia/Nuke

Sit down. I have to tell you something and it may be shocking to some of you… most especially those of you who are new to daytime. You’re probably not aware of this, ATWT’s Luke Snyder is gay. GAY, I tell you! NO SERIOUSLY! I’m not making this stuff up! Don’t feel foolish if you don’t already know. It’s been hard to figure out because the writers so rarely allow anyone on screen to mention it. It’s one of the show’s best kept secrets. I mean, they only bring the issue up… pretty much EVERY FREAKIN TIME the guy is on screen. Apparently, the fact that he’s in love with another man and that they’ve had a long term relationship is NOT enough of a clue. I’m starting to think that the writers believe we’re a maze-dull lot, not capable of thinking our way out of a paper bag. That could be true, or they could be projecting. Ouch?

I’ve been longing for a storyline that involves my guy, Luke; a storyline that’s just about him – as a young man moving into the adult world, like Casey, and Allison, and pretty much anyone else before him. As things are shaping up it doesn’t seem to be the case that it’s ever going to happen. Each new storyline is a little bit like the last, with a slight twist.

I want MORE.

I want a storyline in which characters don’t even whisper Luke’s sexuality, or give knowing glances. Let me be clear, I make no pretenses of being an advocate of any sort for gays and lesbians. As a straight woman woman of color, I can only tell you what I prefer in storylines, not whether or not these are the storylines the LGBT community want to have told about Luke and Noah (or even GL’s Liv and Natalia – but more on that, later). I can only tell you that I would be loathe to tune into a daytime program that was still airing storylines about civil rights or if the character of color was still battling rampant racism and trying to adjust to life among those in ‘White America’ as the theme in each and every storyline.. We’re beyond that.

Are we beyond that point in relationship to stories about sexual orientation? Maybe the recent focus on gay and lesbian characters in daytime requires paying more attention to issues of coming out and discrimination of all sorts. I don’t know, but in light of shows like “L word”, “Queer as Folk”, and even “Degrassi: The Next Generation”, it would appear that stories that are multifaceted are equally likely to receive positive fan feedback than three or four years of ‘coming out’ storylines with the exact same characters.

Instead of feeding stereotypes, build a cultural context around them that makes stereotyping irrelevant and anachronistic. Leave stereotyping as a thing of the past, as it should be, and focus on those characters who have moved beyond them.

As a person of color, I understand the need for highlighting activism and focusing on the eternal struggle for human rights, but if that’s the route the writers want to take, then have Luke and Noah take on the marriage issue. It pisses me off, ROYALLY, that ATWT writers have no trouble with storylines about lust and sex and now a half-wit marriage for Liberty and Parker, but can’t figure out what to do with Noah and Luke… color me stunned.

What I see in Luke’s storyline (there’s so little focus on Noah on ATWT – I sometimes forget the poor dear is there) is some of what I see in GL’s Otalia, but to a lesser degree. I’m beginning to get the feeling that the writers on GL are starting to stall the storyline. For several reasons.

1. The most generous explanation is that Jessica Leccia (“Natalia”) is pregnant in real life. She and husband, Brian Malloy, are expecting their first child. The writers may want to wait until after the actress returns from maternity leave to delve more heavily into the Otalia romance.

I can envision a scenario in which, just before Leccia gives birth in real life, Natalia realizes that she has to tell Liv how she feels and then goes away for a while to ‘clear her head’ and come back ready for a relationship. (Or she goes away to clear her head, first, and comes back ready to take her relationship with Liv to the next level).

Given how many times writers have worked around real life pregnancies in other storylines, Leccia’s pregnancy shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe it’s not, I dunno.

2. I began to feel a bit queasy about the issue of Doris Wolfe. What the hell was the point in that? Doris has a ‘coming out’ of her own to deal with – out of the blue? Is there NO creativity in daytime? I can count on one hand how many characters have been openly gay from the start. Everyone else, regardless of age, or life experience, has been closeted. Fuel to the fire? Does every show have to create a closeted ‘anti-gay’ jerk and/or villan character? (Brian, ATWT; Daniel Coulson, self-hating closeted gay male on OLTL… <sigh>)

Now that Doris is one step closer to coming out, will there be a Doris/Liv/Natalia triangle? Will the deliciously ruthless side of Doris appeal to the deliciously ruthless side of Olivia Spencer? Will Doris plot and plan and ruin the Otalia relationship to give herself time to swoop in and claim Liv for herself while Nat ‘hems’ and ‘haws’ about whether or not she should be in love with another woman?

Geez, the more I think about it, the more I like it. Remember the ability Roger Thorpe had to corrupt good women and make them his wicked partner in crime? How about Alan Spaulding and Blake Mahler? Could we have Doris Wolfe and Olivia Spencer rocking Springfield while Natalia is the ‘angel sitting on Liv’s shoulder’, trying to woo her back from the dark side? OH, now THAT could be interesting.

OR

3. Is Doris’ coming out more significant than that? Is it a sign that, despite published reports elsewhere, the writers are reconsidering Otalia? As Josh and Liv flirted, throwing out sexual innuendo so hot my television screen fogged (uh, don’t know how that happened), I had to wonder why that scene was necessary, no matter how terribly sexually exciting! Haven’t we already seen Liv trying to prove her bonafides by hitting on a group of hot young studs, at the SAME BAR? That was only a few weeks back, maybe a month or so. What’s THIS about?

Then the follow up with Doris, in which Liv suddenly starts questioning whether or not she could love a woman, because she STILL loves the power she has over men and the attraction to them. More running away? At this stage of the game?

Maybe it’s nothing, and maybe it’s everything. If the writers think that throwing Otalia to the wolves (get it?) will go unnoticed, they’re wrong. If they think Doris’ offscreen adventures will matter enough for fans and that the ‘closeted adventures of Doris Wolfe’ will replace the Otalia connection, they’re wrong. If they think throwing a Doris/Olivia/Natalia storyline together will get the attention of fans, they’re… ok, they’re not wrong about that as far as I’m concerned. I’d watch, and cheer Nat on all the way!

Again, if those two plot points mean nothing, no biggie. My only point is that I won’t accept a cheap imitation. Ok, and I have a second point: I’m watching you, GL writers, with both eyes!

No, seriously, it’s not me – it’s YOU

Daytime is the worst boyfriend – EVER. It’s not husband material and never will be.  It will never mature to the point that you could even begin to consider a lifetime commitment to it.  So…why am I so completely in love with daytime right now? I can give you eight reasons which collectively make sense but each seem to be a little far-fetched in redefining daytime, on their own.

As I stated in an earlier blog, short of the YnR – no one show has it all together. If I could create a brand new soap, I would pull my favorite plots from each soap and offer the following:

1. All My Children. I’m torn. Reese’s secret? Jesse and Angie sharing their home with dying Rebecca (love the writers for this one and as gut wrenching as this storyline is, I want them to save her!).  I’d even take David falling in love with <GULP!!!!!>  Krystal – and I like Krystal about as much as I’d enjoy contracting malaria. That’s a huge compliment to the AMC writers.  I’d take David and Krystal even if I have to hear them uttering my least favorite four letter word over and over again:  Babe!

2. One Life to Live. I don’t want to, because it’s sheer manipulation, but I’m diggin’ J/B/Tessica and Brody. Vulnerable, frail, and brutally honest and accepting of one another, there are no head games – yet.  Oh…and they’re smokin’ hot together.  How much should we bet that Brody finds out about Chloe before Jessica does and fights to protect her from losing ‘her’ little girl (oh if only it was Jessica’s baby!)

3. General Hospital. The Maxie/Mac/Robin scenes were so unusual for GH. No one was killed. No explosions. No melodramatic calls for revenge.  Seeing this family together in the Scorpio home reminded me of the old GH.   I remembered veteran characters I once loved and favorite moments. The scenes had an honesty and purity about them that I’ve come to miss about GH.  I wanted to see Robert and Anna there with them.

GH has no love for legacy characters and storylines, it seems, but bless TPTB for having love for legacy sets.  It’s the only part of the show I once loved that still remains.  The Webbers, the Jones Brother, Lucy Coe, and the many others who’ve called that set ‘home’… how I miss them all.

4. Young and the Restless. Anything to do with Chloe works for me! I’m not thrilled about her new found deep and abiding love for Billy Abbott after all of this (she balances Cane out far better than Lily ever could).  I’d love to see Cane and Chloe make it work, but hey, I can roll with the punches on this one.  Brotherly conflict of biblical proportions… Cane (sic) and “Abel” and Chloe.  Well played, writers!

I’m also VERY exciting about watching Phyllis get dumped… don’t tease me too much writers.  It’s been a hard two years or so, watching the red menace and boy blunder rewrite the shows history each time they proclaimed their ‘love’.

5. The Bold And the Beautiful. I just posted about the stellar performances of Ronn Moss and Jacqueline MacInnes Woods a blog or two ago. Let me add Kyle Lowder to the list. As much as I despise Rick, Lowder came as close to making me feel some sympathy for the character as I ever have.

It’s always sad when legacy characters are killed, but unlike the blunder of killing off Darla and doing nothing useful with the storyline, the writers are playing this one for all it’s worth, and then some!  It’s impressive, at least so far.

6. As The World Turns. What the heck happened to the Brian/Lucinda/Luke/Noah storyline?  Writers, get back on it!  You have an absolutely unique storyline in daytime.  For ONCE, a set of daytime writers can claim to do something NEVER done before in daytime and they’re wasting time trying to pimp out Jack and Janet’s faux love story.  Puh, LEEZE people.  We get it, Carly is the kicking post, always has been, always will be.  How many more times can you tell that story and expect us to care?   When you’re holding on to platinum, let go of the gold plated.  Get back to telling this jaw dropper!  The Grabby Grandpa has a kick to the pants coming and I want a front row seat!

7.  Guiding Light.  Love them, hate them, love them, hate them, love them… <sigh>  My love for Josh and Reva is almost as twisted as their onscreen relationship.  In two minutes on screen together this couple can do what takes most other couples in daytime months to do, make us believe in them in the love they share (and spend far too much time denying).  Josh and Reva would make the cut in my new soap.  I use to believe that ‘star-crossed’ referred to stars in the same galaxy, at least.  Not so with Josh and Reva.  To be together, they have to cross time, and space, and their varying levels of insanity.   I can’t help wanting more of them.

8.  Days of Our Lives.  Another tough choice.  Sami and Rafe?  I love them and I don’t know why.  I want Sami and Lucas, but it’s a sure bet that the writers don’t.   Rafe comes as close to sharing real moments with Sami as any other man since Lucas.  On the far opposite end of the spectrum is my absolute adoration of Nicole, but disgust at her treatment of Brady.  At some point, these two WILL end up together.  The writers can’t take Sami and Lucas away and not give us Brady and Nicole.

Reconstituted daytime?  My create-a-soap format would have history, family, honor, betrayal, anger, lust, love, creativity, and so much more, all from ONE show.  Imagine that!

Blast from the past:  As much as GH has worked to try to destroy the new L&L storyline (competing with the Luke and Laura legacy)  to push a mind numbing  Liz and Jason pairing, they can’t make us forget that Lucky was there in Liz’s darkest time, he was there for her best moments.  They can’t make fans forget that she did the same for him.  This clip is hard to watch, but it’s only a small part of what I remember about the bond this couple forged.  The aftermath of Liz Webber’s rape:

Successaphobia

Successaphobia, n.,  pronunciation: (suhk-ses a foh-bee-uh)

Definition: disorder shared by daytime writers, producers, and network executives that leads them to fear, and therefore sabotage any possible success.

Sure, there’s a lot to like about daytime, and much of the time, I love it.  It’s just that there are times when I can’t help but wonder why writers spend so much time doing everything RIGHT, only to turn around and throw it all out the window.  The worst thing a soap fan can do is admit loving their respective daytime shows.  The writers, producers, and network suits hear it.  Successaphobia kicks in and spells a sure end to the clean storyline telling that made you, oh so foolishly, believe that this time would be different.

Case in point?

OLTL.  Hunt Block as the crude and hate inspiring Det Ramsey, as dirty a character as any soap fan (or writer) could imagine.  Whether you loved to hate, or simply hated the guy, he was fun. Fine, he was fun for me because he tormented Johnny Boy McBain and that’s always a good time in my book.  Even still, watching characters band together to find out his secret, throwing a character from the past – Tina Lord – into the mix as a partner in crime, watching the Buchanans lose their family company, watching Dorian Lord gloat about her inevitable victory, watching Tess’ resurgence… you name it, and OLTL had it going on.  So where did the writers go wrong?  Who decided that fans were having ‘too much’ fun?  Storylines that made sense came to a screeching halt and we were then force fed a diet of Marcie’s baby blues, time travel, Todd keeping his rape victim captive and deceived, Blair bedding Morbid McBain, and a psychotic break from a genuine ‘war hero’ who then takes a child hostage.  (What do ABC writers have against war heroes?  GH used a character who was an Iraq Veteran to further a serial killer storyline, later finding another suspect, but infuriating fans in the process).

As for OLTL, what I once expressed as unbridled enthusiasm has turned into dismay.

I’m sorry for picking on OLTL because it’s not alone.  It’s all of daytime.   While it’s always been the case that daytime television by definition requires periods that are ‘down time’, it’s a labor intensive genre, the ‘down’ times are displacing the ‘up’ times more frequently than before and are lasting longer.

What should happen (and would be more likely to draw viewers in):

*  Instead of praising the man who continues to sleep with and emotionally abuse her daughter, BnB’s Brooke should be ripping his head off.  She should be plotting how to take every dime he has, leaving him destitute and sorry for the way he’s treated Bridget.  How about a little corporate intrigue with a smart woman in charge, or women who at least aren’t selling their souls just to get laid?

Wouldn’t it be worth it to watch Jackie’s jaw drop when she realizes that Brooke is not only NOT smitten with her morally challenged idiot of a son, but that she’s willing to destroy the Marone clan to protect her daughter.  Given the level of disrespect Jackie has shown Bridget, I’d say she has it coming.  Wouldn’t it be worth it to watch Jackie’s anger grow, only to realize there’s nothing she could do about Brooke stripping the Marone clan of everything?

I realize that’s asking a lot from Bold and Beautiful writers, but aren’t fans worth it?

* Instead of sitting at Kate’s bedside, swearing vengeance on the person who nearly killed her on their wedding day, GH’s Kate and Sonny should be off on some romantic honeymoon. I want a location shoot and lots of sweet and romantic scenes (save the sex scenes, I don’t need them.  We need romance in daytime.)  The most frightening moment Kate and Sonny should be facing is the alliance that has seemingly been forged between Carly and Olivia.  Instead, with the exception of Carly, every woman Sonny’s loved is either dead or in some sort of danger.  No woman should be forced to spend even a moment’s notice with the guy. No fan should be forced to watch another Corinthos bride be taken down by one of his enemies.

* GL’s Cassie will be packing things up and leaving town soon.  To Nicole Forester, Cassie’s portrayer, I wish you nothing but joy with the impending birth of your child, and best wishes in your marriage.  My fondest wish, at this point however, is that Cassie was taking Rafe, Natalia, Cyrus, Grady, Daisy, Jeffrey, and a host of other characters with her!

Even more?  I’m starting to wish she’d take Bill Lewis, too.   The way he treats Lizzie is just not cool.  She ran to him without a thought for herself (sadly) when she heard about Max, and still he treats her like garbage.  Isn’t Bill a little young to tell a woman to just focus on ‘looking pretty’!?!?  Just when I think the writers can’t stun me any more than they already have.

ATWT… Wait… I actually don’t have anything bad to say about the show!  MOLY!  I’m sure I’ll find some frustration with the show when the writers come up with more ridiculous reasons for Nuke to sit in the shadows while every other Oakdale resident finds love, but I’ll take what I can get from the show, for now.  While I’m primarily a Luke fan, I realized how much I missed Noah until he returned… little cutie pie.

Between DOOL and ATWT, right now, I actually have something to watch.  YnR doesn’t suck so much either, right now… but give all three shows a chance, they’ll be back in suck rotation… SOON!

Successaphobia is a real bitch.

The devil (in high heels) made him do it

I was torn between the above title and this one: “The Storyline We’re Still Waiting For”  (about Nick and Jackie Marone, that is).

Well played, BnB writers, well played!  I can’t imagine that there’s one Bridge Forrester fan out there who isn’t fuming right now, wondering if it’s wrong to want to a ficitional character to be castrated!  Nick Marone 0s certainly a deserving target, if it’s not.  The evidence, you ask?  If you’re not a BnB viewer, the man is talking about a one night stand he had with his wife’s aunt – one he’s been lying about since it happened:

How does the jerk wad follow that up?  With THIS (Thanks, TVMegasite, for the transcript):

Katie: I don’t care if it’s wrong. I can’t regret the fact that I’m having your baby.

Nick: Well, if it’s wrong, then I’m guilty, too.

Katie: You really mean that?

Nick: (Sighs) I’d be lying if I didn’t say this confused me at first. (Clears throat) you know, I–

Nick: It should have felt wrong to me, and it didn’T. And I should have feared all the complications that we now face, and I didn’T. I was wondering why. (Laughs) why? You know, when you were on that island sick, and I was there with you… (sighs) my prayer was that before you died, you’d know how I felt.

Can someone tell me how Katie, pimping a Bridget-Nick reunion to Nick, drinking scotch and putting a puzzle together, turned into a deep and abiding love between these two?  They’ve gone from a sibling-like relationship to soul mates in about two hours worth of scenes.  That’s moving incredibly fast, even for the BnB.  Hold on to your last meal, readers, you may lose it if you continue read on:

Nick: So now we’re there. And I hope that you can feel that I love you.

Katie: (Sniffles)

Katie: (Sighs)

Nick: I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.

Katie: You haven’T. You haven’T. I-I think you just said that you love me, and I– I love you, too. You must know that. That’s why this baby is so precious, is so important to me, because–because it’s yours. It’s ours. It’s the one thing I have that we share, and– only we can’T.

Nick: But we have to. This baby’s not going away. You know that.

Katie: (Sighs) but what about everything else–

Nick: No, no, no, no. No “buts” about it. Listen to me. This child was conceived in the most magical moment. And this baby is gonna be amazing. This child is gonna be so special and bring so much joy into the world, because of love, because it was conceived in the deepest, most honest form of love, and that’s what he’ll know.

Katie: I hear what you’re saying, and I know it’s true, and to hear those words coming out of your mouth– they bring me so much joy. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would hear you say those things to me. I feel like I’m dreaming. But I know I’m not. I know I’m gonna have to wake up. This is just all so confusing. I-I don’t know what I’m allowed to feel. I don’t know if I’m allowed to be happy or excited. Help me, nick. Help me. Because a part of me hates myself for this.

And then there’s this:

Katie: You’ve pledged your life to bridget.

Nick: I have.

Katie: And she deserves all of you.

Nick: She deserves to have the best of me, and if I can’t give her that–

Katie: You’re happy with her. I know. I’ve seen you together.

Nick: We are.

Katie: (Sighs) this is just so complicated.

The reason it would be hard for Bridget to have the ‘best’ of Nick is that there is no ‘BEST” of Nick.  There’s bad… worse… and what a freakin’ waste of human DNA (even fictional DNA)

The writers are still skimming the surface with this guy.  All of his emotions are shallow. He wants to be Ridge Forrester and possess all Ridge has (including his family’s company, the woman he loves, his children).  He’s just met Katie, and suddenly he’s deeply in love with her, to the point of denying Bridget – a woman he’s known and ‘loved’ for years.  The mother of his first child.  He mourned his dead child (Nicole) – in his words, but never mentioned her while in bed with the dead child’s grandmother shortly after Nicole was buried.  He loved Taylor more than he’d loved before, or so he led her to believe, and was back to chasing Brooke and leading a double life when it was revealed that hers was the donor of the egg used to conceive his child with Taylor.

Easy to see how the man made it to the top of the Manwhore list.  When does it END!?!?!?

If the BnB ever returns to what made daytime great there has to be some focus on the way the Marone family uses sex as a way of life.  Jackie explained that ‘pride’ made her turn to prostitution to raise her child, instead of working or going on welfare.  If Jackie was a woman with no skills and without an education, that might have made sense.  There has to be more to it.   I’m not sure if the devil in high heels is Jackie, whose DNA flows through the pants-dropper’s veins, or if it’s about Nick spewing of the insta-love-and-destiny bullcrap as a way of excusing his actions.  SHE! did it.  SHE! made him fall in love – that’s why he continues to betray the women who’ve loved him and given him their full hearts. 

LOSER!

Whatever it is this mother-son have in common, it’s hurtful and painful to the people around them.  They’ve spent more time justifying their sexually inappropriate behaviors (too numerous to name for non BnB viewers) than trying to understand them.  The superficiality is killing both characters, Nick more quickly than Jackie, obviously.

Sooner or later, writers will have to explain to fans what the point is of keeping Nick around.  Nick will surely drop trou for the next Logan-Forrester woman he spends five minutes alone with – it’s his nature.  What else is there for him to do?  The character has never fit in on canvas and every time the show was redirected (characters’ histories changed, couples’ histories changed, the show’s focus changed) to shoehorn him in, it resulted in a disaster in the ratings. 

I’d only thought I lost my patience with this character, before.  I KNOW I have now.  He’s on an endless loop of one night stands, and impregnating the show’s cast.   There’s nothing left to see here, writers.  Nothing left to see.  <sigh>