4 words: Monkeys. Typewriters. Locked Rooms

You know the old writers’ insult, “Monkeys banging on typewriters could do a better job!” Imagine if you not only handed a room full of monkeys a set of typewriters (uh, keyboards), but you then locked them in. Well… that’s ONE way to force them to concentrate on completing your scripts, but watch out! Locking them in a room might add insult to injury and monkeys are pretty vengeful. They also have a pretty wicked sense of humor. Make sure you READ the scripts before you film and then air them for long suffering fans.

One Life to Live

Bitchy Marty, Bitchy Tea, Bitchy TeBessica… ‘effin.love.them.all.

Jessica apologizing and groveling at Natalie’s feet? No thanks. I felt sympathy for Nat “the outsider” for about 10 minutes. I’m over it. She’s still sleeping with the man who cost her sister’s husband his life. An accident? Sure… after months of deceiving him and destroying everything he’d built for his family. I’m hoping Tess and Bess have teamed up to finish taking Nat and Jared down – without plotting anyone’s death, by the way. Abject misery is enough for me, thanks. Tea taking guff from Blair? I don’t think so. Tea and Blair live different realities. Tea is a badass by nature. She’s shown tremendous growth and change and I love how spunky she is. Blair? Badass, on occasion, doormat more often than not. The woman slept with Spencer Truman just after Todd, the ‘great love’ of her life, was sentenced to execution. Despite every reasonable warning to the contrary, she made Truman a part of her children’s lives. My money is on Tea. Marty Saybrooke being left alone with Janet Ketring/Lee Halpern? Seriously, were the monkeys also STONED when they banged out that moment? Writers, keep an eye on the script monkeys, they’re making you look bad!

It’s annoying enough that Bo and Nora’s situational ethics drag every other living Llanview resident through the muck, but Bo and Tahlia leaving JK/LH alone with an angry and self-destructive Marty? The woman tried to force Todd to commit suicide for what he did to her (with JK/LH’s help). So they let her confront JK/LH, alone, wearing a coat which could very well have contained a weapon, and carrying an uzi sized purse? They actually LEFT the motel? I have to say, violence isn’t my thing, but I got a chuckle out of JK/LH cracking a vase over Talia’s head and taking off. Too bad Bo didn’t get one of those, as well! You’d think JK/LH was a witness for the defense  for as careless as they’ve been about her safety.  It must be nice to be pals with people like Bo and Nora. They use their offices to go after people you don’t like if you’re a friend, no matter how flimsy the evidence, nor the cost to the good folks of Llanview.

Oh, and locked-away-typewriter-banging monkeys? Less smug from Antonio and Nora, please. They’re on the side of RIGHT, and they leave me wanting to see Tea wipe the smug off of their faces – unless that’s what you wanted and then I feel played (well done). If I’m wrongfully faulting you and it’s the choices made by the actors, please speak to the director and ask him to handle it.

The Bold and The Beautiful

Bridget is a designer now? You magnificent vengeful monkeys, you! You really did get the last laugh, didn’t you? I wish I could laugh with you, but I can’t. It hurts. Did you have to pay the writers back at the viewers’ expense? An accelerated undergrad preMed program, supposed ‘years’ of study in medical school. Internships, Residency, saving lives, bringing babies into the world, bringing her aunt Katie back from the dead, saving her brother from jail following Phoebe’s death… and Bridget wants to give it all up to start designing for the company that just ripped off her father’s and brother’s newest collection. Bridget… giving up medicine for THAT!

She’s doodled haute couture  gowns for years and was just too afraid to tell anyone?  Her work is even better than life-long designer Clarke Garrison… stuff she sketched when not practicing medicine 23/6 and no one knew?  Uh, because despite the fact that EVERY one of her adult sibs, her nieces and nephew, and BOTH of her parents work in the fashion industry, she was too afraid to tell them she has a passion for fashion? Ok, works in your universe, but typewriter-banging-monkeys, if the writers don’t feed you, refuse to type out scripts on an empty stomach. It makes you a little loopy.

This wouldn’t hurt so bad if it weren’t a follow up to the “fabulous Paminis”… Pam Douglas, insta-designer with a CROCHET technique so secret that only Pam can churn out the one of a kind hot yarn bikinis… So what is Bridget’s Auntie Pam kicking out? 20 a day in the Forrester sweatshop? Monkeys, explain yourselves! Is there something in the air at FC that makes anyone who passes through the hallowed halls a genius in the design world (all except Clarke it seems)?

Guiding Light

Alan wanting revenge against a cheating Beth? I get that. For once in his life, Alan is as devoted as he’s ever has been to a woman, maybe the most faithful he’s ever been. (Beth hasn’t been faithful to anyone since she was a teen) She  gives birth to his child, while still raising his grandchildren and making him part of their lives.  Then she cheats on him. He now knows that he’s met his match in Beth.  No one loves Alan as much as he loves himself.  Ditto on Beth. He’s sleeping with his mirror image and it’s driving him mad, life is a cruel mistress, Alan.

I WANT Alan to make Beth miserable, and not for his sake, but because Beth is supremely selfish and sucks as a person. BUT…Alan grabbing the letter opener, TWICE (something TPTB aired when the scenes picked up with a third and fourth time during the next day’s episode, too)? Good mercy. Giving the audience the impression that he would just as soon plunge the opener into her heart because his heart was broken? YIKES!

I don’t remember Alan being violent with women, especially not to the point of contemplating a brutal death for one. He likes owning and controlling women, but he likes owning and controlling everyone. He usually shows more finesse. The old Alan would have had Coop arrested on some trumped up charge, claimed ‘Company’ for himself – leaving Buzz penniless, and set Beth up to think she was going crazy again just to get custody of Peyton. He would have done it all before lunch!  He actually would have kept Buzz on at the restaurant he stole from him and had Buzz SERVE him lunch. Alan is psychotic, but he’s no thug.

Monkeys, you owe the GL writers an apology for what you’ve done to their beloved Alan Spaulding. Shame on you.

All My Children

Zach. Killing Josh. Fathering Gabrielle. Eye-boinking with Reese. Expecting Kendall to understand. Vicious little typewriter-banging-monkeys… You’ve outdone yourselves. I actually like the potential fallout from this one. No criticism, here. This is all soapy goodness. AMC was lucky to have you on staff when you wrote that part of the plot. Kendall, forgive Binks, Reese, and Zach. PRICELESS!

While you’re at it, write that script where David Hayward is loving and unselfish, Adam Chandler has sworn off manipulating the people he loves, Erica Kane gives up designer clothes and all other perks of fine living, and JR Chandler stays sober! See how silly it all seems that anyone would expect forgiveness from Kendall? Whatever she does to them, they’ve got it coming. Maybe Zach should keep a picture of his happy parts in a safe location. The doctors will need it when they’re working on the reattachment and reconstruction!

I can’t give you a pass on Amanda’s pregnancy, however. Does anyone remember the last daytime pregnancy where the mother knew who her child’s father was (Binks excluded, of course) and there was no scandal around the pregnancy? (Whoops, Binks back in!) Why another contested paternity? It’s not like there’s been a shortage of them.

Then again, you’ve been writing for Annie and she’s freakin’ wonderful, so it all evens out in the wash!

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Even if it’s just for today, I LOVE this show!

I don’t know how they did it.  BnB writers gave us a ton of characters who disliked Rick and had every reason in the world to want to see him taken down. He’s been handed everything on a silver platter and it’s never been enough for him. The more you give him the more he wants. WOW! It makes PERFECT sense that Rick would be the one who sets his family up for a fall and moves on to help his father’s worst enemy take his family’s company down.  We were misdirected when the real villain was under our noses the entire time.  If a single plot was enough to earn a show an Emmy, the Emmy clearly belongs to the Bold and the Beautiful.  

It’s consistent with the show’s history and makes use of a plot point that many may have forgotten.  Rick betrayed his father the MINUTE he got back to town. He hid behind a pathological hatred for Ridge and Stephanie to fault them for the Forresters losing the company. Jackie and nick stole the Forrester Creations based on a lie Jackie concocted! Stephanie NEVER shoved Jackie over the banister in the Forrester home, she only defended herself against Jackie’s physical attack on her. The Forresters were faced with saving Stephanie from prison by selling the company, or kissing her good bye (frankly, I would have kissed her good bye).

Rick handed Nick a list of FC employees who would help him make a success of the company he stole (not that they were successful in saving FC from lousy management). He came back and pimped his mother. He came back and treated his grieving sister like a pawn. He came back and ignored his sister’s child’s death.

Rick is a real sociopath!  DE-FREAKIN-LICIOUS!

How much more could Eric have loved him? How much more could his parents have given him? Enough is never enough for our Rick, give him and hand and he’ll choke the life out of you and pick your pockets with it.  What a evil bastard.  What a diabolical plot.  Well done, BnB writers!  The best in daytime?  No, this plot holds it’s own no matter what genre you place it in.

Give me MORE.

New nominee for the “Brass Cojones” Award

I thought ATWT’s Jack Snyder topped the list, but boy I was wrong! Jack Snyder engages in mere child’s play when it comes to jerkiness if you compare him to Eric Forrester.  Eric railed against ex-wife Stephanie Forrester when she gave her opinion about her perceptions of the guilt of Rick Forrester (Eric’s son) in the death of her granddaughter, Phoebe Forrester (Rick’s niece and ex-girlfriend, Eric’s granddaughter).  Of course, she chose to do so by giving an interview to the press just after a Forrester Creations showing, but details, details!  His bellowing response continues to ring in my ears, “What’s the matter with her?  Doesn’t she know we’re all grieving around here?”.

Keep in mind that while ‘grieving’, Eric dumped Stephanie when just mere weeks before he told her that they would be together, forever.  Not only did he dump her soon after Phoebe’s death, but it was over the Christmas holidays.  WHY was he dumping her?  Ah, yes, to play sex games with his newest child bride, Donna Logan (Rick’s aunt).  It wasn’t ‘grief sex’, mind you.  It was down and dirty sex, including the now infamous, and gag-producing, honeybear bottle that has probably lost significant real life market share since the Donna and Eric storyline started.

It takes a big brass set to accuse a woman who is still in pain over her granddaughter’s death of not understand grief,  while you paw over a 30-something year old woman in the presence of the family you dumped.

Winsor Harmon’s scenes as Thorne, today, have really driven home just how foolish of a man the writers have made Eric.  To have told family members who stood with him through the worst of times to ‘like’ what he’s done to their family, and the company they spent decades making a success, or ‘leave it’… Geez.  Thorne was right, loyalty means nothing to Eric, nothing.  Considering how many times he’s dumped their mother for women who ended up dumping him – this shouldn’t exactly be news. I would have loved to have had Thorne reflect on his father’s marital infidelities as a sign that he loves no one other than himself – much like his pathological offspring, Rick.  Even without that, the dialogue between Thorne and Eric (and Felicia and Eric) has made sense for the first time in a LONG time.

When Eric no longer trusted Donna, after catching her making out with Owen Knight, while in a bedroom in his family’s home, he turned to Thorne for help.  It wasn’t Donna’s first time at the Owen rodeo, either, it was the second time she’d desecrated their home, and the third time she’d been with Owen (the first time being at the Forrester family cabin).  The second time she was with him in the bed they shared – the same bed he shared with Stephanie before he’d descrated it WITH Donna, when Stephanie was out of town.

Now that he’s back with Donna, and pushing her and her family to the forefront, his family, save Rick, to the margins, Thorne is just another FC employee.  His only real function is to serve Donna’s whims.  Great job there, dad.

For all of the talk of what’s wrong with the parenting skills of the women of the BnB,  Eric Forrester has to be the worst parent, EVER.  He’s certainly the worst grandparent.  To use his granddaughter’s death to attack his ex-wife, and to discuss ‘mourning’ her only when it suits him?   I think Eric Forrester has just jumped to the top of the Brass Cojones list… definitely not an honor.

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By the way, in a blog comment belowMarkH reflects on what’s stale about the BnB, and about the show’s cornerstone couple, Brooke and Ridge.  I think they’re a ‘renewed’ couple and at some point, I will reflect on what the writers have done, and are doing to Brooke and Ridge – some bad, some good.  Regarding the show in general, however, ‘Ann’, a Bold-L mailing list  participant wrote the following (reprinted with permission):

I watched today …and I must say, nothing I saw made me want to see MORE.

There was the billionth version of Brooke vs Steph….AGAIN.

There was the obligatory “Logans are tramps” comment by Steph….AGAIN.

There was Eric being all shouty and laying down the law….AGAIN.

There was Steph making numerous OUTRAGEOUS statements (“Rick killed Phoebe” “there must be consequences for actions”) and no other character bothers to state the obvious “No he did NOT” or “Like you killed Gaby’s mother?” or “like the consequences YOU faced for all the sh*t you’ve pulled, including your part in Brooke’s rape?”….AGAIN.

There was Ridge stuck between Brooke and Steph’s hostilities….AGAIN.

There was Donna seducing Eric with the honeybear routine….AGAIN.

There was a promising new character (Marcus) getting kicked to the curb and probably sentenced to storyline Siberia, because there are no other possible romantic partners on the canvas for him….AGAIN.

There was the magic transporter getting a Forrester up to Big Bear in record time….AGAIN.

And the worst: there was Rick, making out with a woman who used to be his niece…AGAIN.

The only possible positive was that Steffy did NOT follow in her mother’s footsteps, and accept an engagement ring from one man, while really secretly hoping that her relationship with another man would blossom….but that, and my admiration for Steffy’s/JMW’s looks, are nowhere near enough to keep me watching this boring train wreck of a show. I don’t know whether to yawn or retch first.

Over and out until the next time I decide to subject myself to thirty minutes of dullness (or is that DUH-ness?)….

I’ve gotta agree with Ann’s assessment.  Each blog entry about the BnB feels ‘the same’ for me because the storylines are ‘the same’.  I’m not sure Eric’s shiny brass set will be what it takes to turn the show around – I somehow doubt it.  As a person who despises the Marones, even I am leaning in the direction of actually wanting to root for Jackie M (well, for Jackie, Clarke, and Thorne), just to see Eric and Donna lose – BIG.  It would be  something different, and might give viewers like Ann, and like me, a reason to care about what happens on this show.