General Hospital: It’s just a damned soap!

Get over it. or how about?

You know it’s not real, right? or

How can you take something that’s not real so seriously?

Those are the obnoxious comments non soap fans usually throw at soap fans when they show up on message boards to taunt us about our silly love for “dumb assed’ soaps… Then they run back to their favorite gamer/fan boi/fan gurl boards and battle over their fave fictional characters.  It’s also a charge some soap fans use on other soapers to prove that THEY are the ones who watch for enjoyment, while other soap fans are just cracked.

Well, I could have used one of those pseudo-superior pains in the ass yesterday.  I would have been too busy arguing with one of them to watch GH.  And then I wouldn’t have had to question my sanity.  Am I taking this all too seriously?  Is there anything enjoyable about GH’s  ‘Suckpranos’  any more?  If Claudia’s death scenes were supposed to create an atmosphere of  edge-of-your-seat drama?  They were an epic FAIL!  If they were supposed to make me despise Sonny, Carly, Jason, Sam and the rebirth of Michael “MyKill” Corinthos?  They were an epic SUCCESS!

I feel dirty having watched those scenes

I felt dirty watching Carly cuddle with sweet little Josslyn, while MyKill was staring at his hands, stained with Claudia’s blood.  The look he gave her while she did it chilled me.  Did he feel abandoned?  Was  he angry with her?  Did he feel he’d sold his soul for her and ‘Jax’s baby’?

I felt dirty watching everyone treat Jax as if he really was sacrificing Michael to protect his child.  Jax is ALONE.  Even Carly puts his child’s health at risk for the sake of her other children.  Jax isn’t sacrificing Michael, he’s protecting his child – Michael has a city full of mobsters and two highly enmeshed parents to protect him.

I felt dirty watching Jason and Sam talk about covering up Claudia’s death when Michael was clearly  trying to protect his mother against a violent woman and should not have to stand trail for that.  I would rather the writers had taken that route and let Michael deal with his own guilt at having taken a life.

I felt DIRTIEST watching psychotic Sonny tell Michael he ‘did a good thing’ (or words to that effect) by taking Claudia out.  I can’t say that it’s the exact quote, but close enough.  I’m a still a little woozy from scrubbing my brain every time I think of that scene.   A GOOD thing?  So Sonny is now the Martha Stewart of the mob set?  No, it wasn’t a GOOD THING, it’s what Michael felt he had to do to protect his mother from her abductor, and his sister from growing up a captive.  Nothing about it made it a ‘good thing’, since it was Sonny who brought Claudia into his children’s lives.

I felt dirty watching Sonny tell Jason to bury Claudia as close to hell as he could – considering the fact that everyone keeps talking about what a great man and great father he is ( most especially from the mouth of NuLois/Olivia Falconeri, who didn’t bother to let him help her raise her son.  It’s on coincidence that Dante/Dominic is the only one of Sonny’s adult/near-adult children who isn’t a wreck of a person).  His statement was also mind-blowing given the fact that Sonny spoke those words as if he and Jason wouldn’t soon see Claudia in hell.  Wait, I forgot, they’re the good mobsters.

I felt dirty, and angry, watching Max and Milo argue with Jason about whether it was smart to burn the cabin once they disposed of the body.  Milo and Max use to be the comic relief of the show and fans could imagine that they never really got their hands dirty.  Now we know they do, we’re seeing it, and they’re strategizing about which is the best way to dispose of a human being.

I felt dirty watching Carly hold that sweet child, and smile at Jax, as if nothing had happened, as if his newborn child wasn’t just involved in yet another of Sonny’s fiasco-filled escapades.  While I once loved Jax and Carly, I now know that I wouldn’t mind if he took custody of that child and kept Carly away.

I felt dirty remembering rooting against AJ, hoping he NEVER got his hands on Carly and Jason’s (and then Sonny’s) kid.  I remember the sweet cherub Michael had once been, and felt sick believing that the writers felt that there was no choice but to make Michael as screwed up as the people around him, the people who defended all of his actions and wanted others to apologize to the dark Prince Michael.  What was worse is that they’re right!  How many kids like Michael can escape the dark future ahead of them with parents who pave the way and keep the roads clear of stumbling blocks (you know, like morals, decency, integrity, a sense of right and wrong)?

If I’m spinning this into a positive, the writers have also proven that Alexis is right, FINALLY (even if unintentionally).   Kristina and Michael are siblings, but they’re very different people.  Kristina has a chance, if she stays away from her father.  She has a mother who doesn’t believe that sunshine shoots out of Sonny’s private parts.  Her mother doesn’t think the mob life is glamorous, despite the stupidity of having slept with Sonny in the past.  She wants better for her daughter.  I hope the writers allow her to remain consistent in giving her daughter a fighting chance.

If soaps are around in a decade (maybe less), I could imagine Kristina as Port Chuckle’s new D.A.  Having lived with her mother, and stepfather Mac Scorpio,  she’ll have a different view of crime.  She’ll love her brother Michael, but she’ll end up putting him in prison with their father, Sonny and Uncle Jason – as her brother Dominic did years earlier.

Having read that last paragraph, I’ll bet you’re questioning my sanity too, right?  Well, at least I now have company!  I know, I know… it’s just a soap.

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General Hospital – Sudden Death

Carly and Jax – Sudden Death

I’m not at all a sports fan, but I do understand the sports concept of ‘sudden death’ – I think! As I understand it, ‘sudden death’ refers to the end of a game when teams are tied in score. It’s a sort of ‘overtime’ that ends when the first team posts a score – breaking the tie. Game over! I had that feeling the other day watching Carly and Jax gush over their endless love. They were sure that they’d gotten it right, this time, that nothing would come between them. I cringed. It’s almost always the first sign that trouble is on the horizon. I hope that’s not the case. I like them together. I think they’re one of the best things to happen to GH in a long time and GH desperately needs them if TPTB are going to screw around with SCRUBS love. There’ll be no romance left if SCRUBS loses out and GH_CarJax goes (not to be confused with ATWT_CarJax and the plummeting ratings that happened when they were once again trashed).

Carly has FINALLY found love with someone who doesn’t expect her to be a ‘good girl’ and hide in the shadows while he does business. Carly doesn’t have to leave the room when Jax is on the phone for fear of being legally incriminated. Jax’s business associates have probably never done time – unless it is some wacky white collar crime that lands them in some posh ‘Club Fed’ for a year or two. Jax respects her, and she tries her damnedest to respect him, too. It’s been a long time since Carly has had a relationship with a man who considers her his equal. All the happy-happy-joy-joy she spreads, now, is so much better than the angry posturing she did while with Sonny. She seems happier. She looks happier. She can no longer be compared to an angry pitbull, biting before thinking. HELL, I’M happier just watching the love Carly and Jax share.

SO! If there’s going to be a ‘sudden death’ for Jax and Carly, let it be this: let the writers realize that Jax and Carly are pretty much tied with Carly and Sonny in terms of the lifetime of crazy drama each couple has suffered. Let the writers realize that J&C have probably hit restart on their relationship as often as C&S have. At this point, Carly and Jax have broken the tie… they’ve managed to stay together and work harder on their relationship than Carly and Sonny have ever dreamed of doing. Sudden death in favor of GH_ CARJAX! It’s time to set aside the epic that was Carly and Sonny and focus on the JC relationship. Sonny and Carly are the past, as they should be.

Liz and… Patrick? Sudden Death

With future spoilers suggesting Liz’s ever growing presence in the lives of Robin and Patrick, I’d be willing to venture a guess that putting Liz and Patrick together would be a different sort o f ‘sudden death’ for Elizabeth Webber. She’ll have tied any record of insane moves for a GH character and BROKEN it. I think it would be the end of her character, as we know it, and that fans will finally have run out patience with the character.

Her relationship with Zander (Cam’s father) left me with blurred vision. How the hell did THAT happen? Lucky, no Jason, no Lucky, no Zander, no Lucky, no Jason… possibly Patrick!?!?! If Liz’ presence in SCRUBS’ life is to provide support to Robin, and to continue to be there as a FRIEND to both of them, I’m all for it. Otherwise? thanks but no. It’s time to have not-Emily-but-Rebecca and Elizabeth Webber climb the Cassadine tower-of-death that so many GH characters seem to keep leaping from, never to be seen or heard of again!

Ethan, Sudden Death

I’d actually have to not have a pulse to care less about Ethan. I’m still trying to figure out what purpose he serves? My preference would be for him to be a relative of Holly’s, a nephew perhaps, to scam Luke and make off with the last of Luke’s cash. I’d hoped in the past that Ethan was around to help Luke realize what a colossal ass he’s been and to turn his life around. He’s spent almost no time caring for or helping to raise his children. He’s left them to their own devices (not exactly a tribute to his love for Laura), so I would be completely without sympathy for the man if Ethan is pulling one of the greatest cons in GH history: conning the con! Ethan hitting Lucky? Not cool, not cool at all.

After that, Ethan can go wherever in the world he wants, as long as he goes. He can climb the Cassadine tower WITH not-Emily-but-Rebecca and Elizabeth Spencer. GH’s canvas is already littered with great characters who never see the light of day. Give me a three-fer, Christmas in March – if you will.

In this case, sudden death isn’t a sports reference, it’s a suggestion. Get rid of these three. They serve no purpose other than to stick a thumb in the eye of GH fans who deserve better. The most interesting thing I could say about the loss of Elizabeth, is that there could be a great custody battle for young Cam and Jake, if anything happened to her. Count me in as part of “Team Lucky”!

Robin and Carly: The buddy movie…

So…GH writers have decided to have Carly talk with Robin and help her realize that she does indeed have PPD, following Emma’s birth. Good! That’s right, I LIKE it! If you’re still reading let me tell you why. (If you’re still reading AND giving me the finger – save it for Guza and Frons. You know they have more screwing up to do and I’m just a soap blogger with an opinion).

Here’s what I like about Carly reaching out to Robin: it puts an end to the silliest feud in soap history. It closes the chapter on both women’s lives as mobster molls.

Carly and Robin’s antagonism was linked to their love for Jason and his confusion about his feelings for them. It was when Carly taunted Robin with the idea that Jason would always be a part of her and Michael’s lives that the stink hit the fan.

Robin wanted Carly to give Michael to her and Jason to raise. Carly, of course, said no and Robin told AJ the truth – that he, not Jason, was Michael’s father. Robin felt that she was ‘protecting’ Jason – uh huh… The animosity has grown steadily since that time.

Now? Both women have moved on. Both have grown – Carly at a slower pace and not without taking a few hits. Both women can hold their heads up high (and without worrying about being shot since their current husbands aren’t gangsters. In Carly’s case I should add that she no longer has to fear taking another shot to the dome).

In the years that have passed they’ve had real lives, careers, children, and chances at real happiness. Their conflict over something that no longer matters is tired and stale and childish. When women go to war on this show, let it be over something worth fighting for – like stocks, bonds, and board room dominance.

Let Carly and Robin make peace and move on. Neither is (or should be) in love with Jason so hanging on to any animosity related to that time in their lives dishonors them both and the good men who love them.

I’m afraid to look….are you stilll giving me the finger?