Bad Day – Worse Day – Just Be Glad That…

Bad Day?  Your mother wants you to call her new boyfriend ‘uncle’ (Liberty Ciccone, As The World Turns).

Worse Day?  He really IS your uncle.

Just be glad that… he’s your father’s brother and not your mother’s brother!

Bad Day?  Your mother sleeps with the man you love.

Worse Day?  Your GRANDMOTHER sleeps with the man you love (Chelsea Brady, Days of Our Lives).  It sucks to have a hot grandmother, doesn’t it:?  Kate Roberts has never been the type to sit home and bake cookies.

Just be glad that… he didn’t sleep with your great-grandmother.  Dude, you just can’t live something like THAT down.

Bad Day?  Your favorite daytime soap goes dark.  A show that was once filled with love, romance, and laughter is now a show about death and destruction.  I’ve never forgiven General Hospital writers for killing Justice Ward and stuffing his body in the trunk of a car.. Justice FREAKIN’ WARD… a Quartermaine heir!  Fargin sons of bastiges!  ICEHOLES!

Worse Day?  Not only does your beloved show cling to the dark side, featuring an endless “murderous mobsters with hearts of gold” storyline, they begin casting actors who are renowned for playing mobsters in film and primetime.  Sopranos onscreen capo Vicent Pastore (Big P), welcome to the show.  Just know that we don’t fault YOU! 

Just be glad that…  the dipwads in charge didn’t cast Pee Wee Herman as the new mob boss.  GH’s lollipop mob already lacks credibility.  Danny Vermin was more believable as a mobster. They don’t deal drugs, they don’t push prostitution (any more), they don’t take protection money… Good luck, Vinnie P.  You may have just lost YOUR mob character cred!

Bad Day?  You find out your psychotic sister, Pam Douglas, hasn’t been taking her meds in more than three months (Stephanie Forrester, BnB).  She decides to ‘protect’ and help you by tying your rival to a chair, smearing her with honey, and enticing a bear to attack the ‘hot tamale’ now married to your husband…

Worse Day?  She fails.

Just be glad that… oh hell, there IS no silver lining here!  She FAILED!

Bad Day? AMC’s Erica Kane has a bit of a fit when she finds out that her protege has spent the night with a man she still deeply loves.  It prompts a battle between her inner angel and inner devil.  The inner devil wins.

Worse Day?  No one notices, Erica’s inner devil almost ALWAYS wins.

Just be glad that… Erica doesn’t have a twin!

Bad Day?  Your husband’s tragic and violent death triggers your alter personality to take over and cause you to turn into a raving lunatic who develops an evil plan for revenge (Tess/Jessica Nash, OLTL).

Worse Day?  No one notices the change in behavior.

Just be glad that… well, I was going to say ‘see Erica Kane’, but Jessica IS a twin.  Just be glad that she hasn’t been widely exposed, yet.  Tess is such a great bad girl and Jessica will be home, soon enough.

Bad Day?  You risk your own life to rescue an ex-husband who likes to periodically remind you that you were once a stripper.  He tops it by telling you you’d be nothing without him. (Nikki Newman, Young and the Restless).

Worse Day?  When you find him, he’s such a bastard, you forget why you wanted to rescue him in the first place.

Just be glad that… you’re not the recently deceased ‘Mrs. Great Man, herself’ he’s grieving for.  What’s that?  Oh, I know that the recently deceased ‘Mrs. Great Man, herself’ has a name, but she’s married to ‘The Great Man, himself’, so whatever HER name was just isn’t important.  Don’t beleive me?  Just ask Victor!

Bad Day?  Your sister-in-law poisons you and no one figures out it was poison until much later (BnB, Eric Forrester).

Worse Day?  She nearly took you out by adding an overdose of potassium to the lemon bars she bakes for you.

Just be glad that… your name is not Dixie Martin and that AMC writers aren’t penning this storyline.  Dixie was killed by posioned peanut butter pancakes! It’s rough out there in soap land, no wonder they’re all so skinny.  Daytime characters need food tasters.

Bad Day? You pay a man to ‘scare off’ a woman you hate.  You save her just as he’s about to sexually assault her – you save her because you’ve just found out that she’s your daughter. (Olivia Spencer, Guiding Light).  He later kills your friend’s daughter and eventually escapes prosecution.

Worse Day?    You offer to pay him to sleep with you because you’re lonely.  Oh yeah – they roll that way on Guiding Light, these days! 

Just be glad that… you’re not watching.  I’ve seen the ratings, you’re not!

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The case against Jack Snyder

“That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more!”  You pop culture fans will recognize that line.  It’s taken a herculean effort for me to keep my lunch down at the mere site of ATWT’s Jack and Janet, but yesterday’s episode made it impossible.  I’m a pound lighter, but a whole lot more pissed off as a result of it.

Excuse me, but WHY is it ok for Jack to decide that it’s time for him to play house (as my grandmother us to say) with Janet?  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people in love living together.   It’s not my business.  What I object to with the “Moral Authority” popping the ‘little’ question to Janet, is that he would be the first in line to attack his ex-wife as “shacking up” if she dared to move a man she wasn’t married to into their former home with HIS children… It really is ALL about Jack, ALL of the time, don’t you know?

And wouldn’t he be FURIOUS to find out that Carly had his children calling one of her lovers ‘uncle’?  Well, in this case, Liberty would be calling her mother’s boyfriend ‘uncle’, and she’d since he his her father’s brother… well, I was going to say that it wasn’t so creepy, but it is.   Oh those interchangeable Snyder boys!  They’re like a set of legos, pop one off, put another one on in its place – same difference.

Carly, in Janet’s shoes, would be the ‘whore of Oakdale’.  Carly would be the bad mother who put her lust for a man above her love for children, and her duty as a parent.   Not his Janet, no sir!  After mere months of knowing one another – most of that time spent by Janet trying break up his brother’s marriage, he and Janet are ready for the bliss of her living with him and attending to his needs.  “Lucky” girl.

Janet gets to fulfill the whims of he-of-the-goodness-and-light.  She gets to put her love for her child, and her duty as a parent, second to her lust for Jack – much to his delight.  While the double J’s (that’s jackasses, in my book) tell their children to slow down, sex is not a game, it’s worth the wait – they’ve betrayed everything they’re supposed to be teaching their children by rushing into a sexual relationship and then rushing into the idea of living together.

Way to go on teaching by example, Double J.  You’re model parents, assuming that every other parent in town mysteriously disappears.  Are they the worst of soap humanity?  No, just the most annoying and the absolutely most hypocritical – which, as you can see, only increases their standing as the most annoying.

Adding the Liberty/Parker/Rape Allegation storyline on top of the Double J mess only serves to exceed my pain threshold for this couple.  Janet is already SURE of Parker’s guilt. Jack, surprisingly, is not and will investigate the matter.  Oh yes, surprisingly, because Jack hasn’t had much interest in being a real father these days.  He’s too busy fabricating a make-believe relationship with Janet. 

(As an aside, clearly Liberty was drugged.  WTG, WT writers.  You’ve just finished a storyline focusing on the drugging of an entire family – you’re going to top that with the drugging of a teenaged girl and a alleged rape storyline?  That, for me, explains Jack’s insane obsession with falling in lust with another anti-Carly who is more trouble than the original.  Second verse same as the first?) 

I find myself feeling pretty lucky to have been born in such a miraculous, technological age. In fact, it’s what will save me from suffering the perils of watching double J sink this show into oblivion and it’s something that’s been around for many years now… it’s called a ‘remote’.  I have not one, but TWO options when it comes to avoiding this couple. I can Fast Forward any scenes I’ve foolishly recorded OR I can simply change the channel if I choose to watch live (and these days, folks, friends don’t let friends watch daytime live! One of you will have to remind me to record the show and save myself the frustration!)

As I read the show, Luke and Noah’s relationship, Emily and Margo’s battles – Casey and Tom’s attempts at peacemaking, have generated more interest and positive dicussion than all of Double J’s soiling of every inch of the Snyder farm.  OF COURSE, it makes sense that all of the above would get less screen time.  In the end, all is not as bad as it seems.  The double Js will either soon be a very bad memory, or a blur on my television screen.  It’s all good.

Live blogging the BnB 8/28/08

I’m sorry, is Donna clutching a bear shaped bottle of honey and crying over Eric, her ‘honeybear’?  Why? Writers, WHY?  That’s about as hokey as it gets.

YAY, Betty White! 

Boo, setting Pam up to be the bad guy!  Too easy… too much of a cop out!

Update 1:  DRAT!  Look at how fantastic Pam looks.  She’s just perfect.  How could the writers set poor Pam up to be the attacker.  I’d trade Pam for Donna ANY day of the week.  (Sorry, JG!).  Looks like some BnB fans feel the same way.  Check out the ‘rooting for the bear’ thread at the official BnB board.

Update 2:  Owen and Donna?  I can’t tell you how ill this couple makes me.

Update 3: and I remind you:

 

 

 

 

So WHY do the two hottest and smartest cops in daytime need OWEN’S help?  Geez!

Update 4:  Sure, Owen, master investigator, master chef…  Eh, I guess we could be stuck watching Nick paw Katie and having them cry about their baby.

Update 5: Donna really makes me want to see Pammy win this round.  Donna’s always in bitchy head cheerleader mode. 

Update 6:  WTF?  Is OWEN actually driving an LAPD police car?    I wish I could be excited about this episode, don’t know why I’m not.

Update 7:  Hey, haven’t we seen Stephanie holding that double barrel shotgun in the past?

The most pleasant surprises

There are soap events I never expected to like (or hadn’t even thought about) until they happened:

YnR –  I love the Victor/Nikki dynamic, when it’s not abusive on his end.  I love that Nikki feels something so deep for Victor that it hits her so unexpectedly that she has no idea what to do with it.  Victor’s boat washes ashore and Nikki begins drinking again thinkng the great man, himself, is dead. KUDOS to the writers.  Even though they somehow managed to forget about Victor’s vasectomy and had him get Sabrina pregnant, they made good use of Nikki’s earlier troubles with alcoholism.  I can’t wait for the promised fireworks when Mr. Mumbles and Nikki are reunited.  You know he’s going to break the magical spell MTS’ Nikki is casting and he’ll be total bastard to her.   More is the pity.

Nikki’s drunken rants to Katherine?  PRICELESS.  That’s when you know who your real friends are, and the friendship between these two women is legendary. Not many women in daytime are written as having long-term friendships. The writers deserve credit for realizing how perfect this one is.

General Hospital.  It’s been difficult for me to see Sonny as a leading romantic lead since the end of Sonny-Brenda, and then Sonny-Carly.  Every other woman he’s been with is just another putrid shade of ‘Agent Hannah Scott’ – Oh the horror.  I don’t know WHY it works, but Sonny and Kate work wonderfully well.  There’s an ‘almost’ respect Sonny has for Kate that he hasn’t had for any other woman.  He’s softer with her, more gentle.   She’s less obnoxious with him.  The relationship with Kate hasn’t changed my mind about Sonny or Kate, individually.  They both drive me batty, but together they have something new and different.

I also love the new dynamic between Carly and Jax.  She’s working hard to stop him from becoming a grumpy old man, and he’s working hard to help her grow up before her children do.  They feel like an old married couple,  with a lot of hot passion.

Guiding Light… <sigh>  I despise ‘G’.  Grady is a boil on the butt of daytime.  YET, I gotta admit to being mildly entertained by his call to the police to report Rafe.  If only the cheesy one-cop-with-a-bullhorn scene hadn’t followed.  The house was surrounded?  Really?  Next time?  Spring for a full police force.  Grady phoned in a call about hostage taker loaded to the nines.  There should have been a SWAT time surrounding the place.  I actually changed the channel after watching that scene, and almost forgot to tune back in.  Glad I finally remembered that GL was on,  because I enjoyed watching Grady snicker while he held Daisy – pretending not to know about Rafe being arrested. 

Ah… if only he hadn’t been such a lowlife when he was first introduced.  Attempted rape, and then murder is something very few characters have been able to come back from.  I don’t see Grady as being one of those who will make a come back.  Too much has happened and the writing for him is too weak.   I have a feeling the conflict between Cyrus and Grady is setting the stage for his departure.  Cyrus is finally opening his eyes to what sort of person his brother is.  At some point, Cyrus will have to set aside his guilt over not being around for Grady’s childhood, and he’s going to have to turn on him.  Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to that day (assuming the writers eventually get it, that it has to happen in order to save Cyrus).  I’m not looking forward to it JUST to get rid of Grady, but because any conflct scenes between these two brothers has to be explosive!

As The World Turns.  Seeing Lucy Walsh onscreen more than once a week?  I never expected to see it happen again in my life time.  Thank you writers.  Watching La Walsh fall for yet another sleazy guy in the workplace?  No thank you, writers.  I’m hoping Lucy picks up on Brian’s act and nails him before… he nails her… ah!  You knew that was coming.  Kudos to those who viewers who’ve suggested that Brian COULD be Craig, with reconstructive surgery.  I don’t know how to feel about that (since Scott Bryce and Hunt Block are the only actors I’ve been able to love in the role).  I’d love to have Scott Bryce back if Craig resurfaces. 

I <gulp> liked Holden and Carly’s date.  I liked that it was so awkward.  I liked the fact that Holden tracked Carly down when she ran out on him, to prove to her that what they have is real.  It’s the first decent thing Holden has done since this wacked out relationship began.  I’m starting to believe that Holden’s feelings for Carly are real and that it’s not just about sexual gratification for him.  Having him show up at Carly’s and refuse to give up on their relationship, for just a moment, reminded me of ‘Holden the stable boy’… hot, smoldering, and irrestible… 

ATWT fans are clamoring for a Katie-Brad baby.  When would they find the time? Katie and Brad have been pretty busy raising Liberty and protecting her in way that her mother can’t, or won’t.  They’ve proven themselves to be the great parents (much like Tom and Margo or Kim and Bob).  I get it, Katie/Brad fans, I get it.  I’m with you.  I’d love to see these two focus on their family and have children.  There’s something special in the relationship between these two characters.  I’d love to see MORE Katie and Brad, LESS Jack and Janet and LESS Liberty and Parker.

One Life to Live – Two pathological people.  Double the mayhem?  Double the trouble?  No, double the fun!  Todd and Tess, the uncle niece from hell.  There’s an obvious connection that Tess and Todd have that Jessica and Todd could never have.  If only they weren’t working hard to cover up the fact that Todd is hiding Marty – that’s just creepy on both ends.  Tess felt she was ‘held captive’ when Jess resurfaced – not a twinge of sympathy for Marty?  Oh well.  Hey, writers, why not have Tess and Todd running ‘The Sun’?  Why not have them team up in business?  Despite the fact that they’re both a brick shy of a load, having them work together somehow makes each of them seem less psychotic.

All My Children – Annie!  Annie, Annie, Annie… the writers wait until the very end to make her interesting?  WTH?   Too bad, this show needs a character like Annie.  Dealing with a dillweed like Ryan would push almost any woman over the edge, at least Annie’s insanity is entertaining.  I want Annie to stick around, and make the rest of Pine Valley miserable, at least until her plots are foiled she moves on to the next one. Can you imagine and Annie-Adam pairing?  Krystal, who?

Need a soap fix?

Are 3 1/2 hours not enough programming?  What’s out there, on the internet and other media markets?  Check out the links posted to the side of this blog.  Don’t miss:

Imaginary Bitches

Daren Fleming’s Friends and Lovers:

Don’t forget to take the time to listen to:  Scripts and Scruples

Do you have an online, other media, soap you’d like to send a link to?  Would you like to help your fellow soap-a-holics make it through the day?  The weekends?  Send me links to your favorite sites”  Norrth@totaltvonline.com

OLTL -BnB – YnR: Rebellion of the Mini Mustaches

The Young and the Restless

— FINALLY!!!  There’s something for the Newman children to do besides cower and tremble at the feet of the great roaring lion, Victor Newman himself!  Victoria’s takeover of Newman? Brilliant!  Forcing Adam out of the top position AND off the Newman ranch?  PRICELESS!   Who knew Victoria had it in her?  Doesn’t she know that the great man, himself, will tear her limb from limb for daring to disobey daddy dearest?  Sure, there’s always the possiblity, but why should she care?  Adam is a bigger problem for the Newman legacy, right now, than Victor will be.

This battle between the mini-mustaches is a must see!  The devil is in the details, so I love the subtle justification for Victoria’s leadership by having her force Adam to prove just how little he knows about the people Newman does business with and how little he knows about the company.  Kudos to the writers for not only having Victoria take over, but for making her a competent and tough-as-nails CEO to boot.  Adam has a lot to learn from his big sister – not that it will matter to him.  Surely he’s plotting his return to power.  Let’s hope this battle continues.  What would the mustache, himself, do if he was around? Revel in his children’s battles.  Being the child of the great man is a bloodsport, after all.

— Both of Michael’s parents are criminals?  He and Kevin never had a shot.  It’s hard to remember the old Michael (and to some degree the old Kevin).  The writers are probably not going to touch the history of these two brothers but they have done a good job of implicitly explaining how the Baldwin brothers becaming the men they once were. 

— Ana, Ana, Ana… I’m sick to death of hearing that kid sing but I love the Hamilton-Winters clan as it’s pulling together (I can pretend that Lily isn’t there whenever she’s on).  The family is fun, and sweet, and warm.  The interaction between Devon and Ana was so tender that it made me miss all the great family moments we’re no longer treated to in daytime (GL’s Bauer Barbeque, GH’s Nurses Ball and the families that come together).  The Hamilton-Winters family is wonderful addition to daytime.  I haven’t loved the Winters family this much since Drucilla was around.  I hope to see more of them. 

The Bold and The Beautiful

Is there NO END to the humiliation Nick and Katie are willing to put Bridget through?  Why couldn’t they have chosen a different hospital?  Why would they force Bridget to face her colleagues (and force them to face her) with the ugliness of their betrayal?  This is beginning to feel intentional on Nick’s part.  First he and Taylor use the same hospital Bridget works at for the in vitro, and now this?  Daytime writers are always claiming they’ll offer something not done before in the history of daytime.  I’m voting for daytime’s first castration storyline … with Nick Marone as the donor.  Nick ‘the Bobbit’ Marone?  It does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Have all other hospitals in L.A. and nearby communities suddenly closed?  What’s the excuse for Nick’s behavior, THIS TIME?  Thank goodness the Bakers are on!  They’re a welcome distraction from the Nick and Katie horror. Besides:

Is anyone else  up for a Charlie/Bridget/Owen triangle?

One Life to Live

  • Clint making deals with Jared?  Planning to semi-welcome him into the family?
  • Clint, using poor Langston as ‘collateral damage’ in his war on Dorian?
  • Gigi immediately excusing Rex for sleeping with another woman just because she looked so much like her?
  • John in an administrative position?
  • Antonio being willing to risk making his child an orphan just to chase ‘true love’ (ok, this one doesn’t bother me as much as it should – love Antonio and Talia)

Who ARE these people?  Clint, especially, is unrecognizable. 

HOORAY to the OLTL writers for bringing the following to a close:

  • The time travel storyline.
  • Marty sitting in that bed 24 hours a day – let John find her, already!
  • Rex and Gigi’s separation.  It’s time for them to move forward.  Now end the paternity lie.
  • The Cole-Starr storyline (yeah, I know, it’s a pipe dream but I’m adding the end of this storyline to my wish list.  From the show’s current ratings, so are many of you!)

What I’m waiting for:

  • For everyone to SHUT UP telling Cole how evil and self-centered he is for mourning the loss of his child.  What’s the insanity taking place in Llanview that makes a responsible young man seem like a jerk for loving Starr’s ‘baby bump’?
  • Blair’s reaction to finding out that Marty is alive – and that John’s been dreaming about Marty, instead of her.
  • Natalie’s reaction to finding out that Tess has returned – will she and Jared feel an ounce of guilt?
  • Viki taking on Tess.
  • Todd stomping out Marcie’s insane obsession with Starr’s child.
  • Marcie’s reaction to learning that she’s lost Michael, who’s moved on, and Starr’s child (on the wish list).
  • Finally,  Clint – Dorian showdown… Oh YEAH!

Live Blogging the BnB – 8/21/08

WHOA THERE!  There African-American actors on the screen at one time?  How’d that happen?  WTG, BnB.  NOW, here’s how we keep the Bakers around:

Is it possible that STEPHEN Logan has taken up with Storm left off? Has Stephen decided to rid the world of the Forresters? He’s flashing back to finding his tacky daughter and the old hornybear, Eric, on the sofa (can’t believe it hasn’t been replaced). Is all what it seems or is there more to it?

I’d love it, since it would give the Baker father-son duo more time on air, too.

Update 1:  If Eric’s levels were through the roof, why it’d take the hospital so long to find it?  Especially since he had a heart attack.

Update 2:  Why WOULDN’T the Forrest sibs distrust Donna?  (and Owen?).  Like the way Brooke looked at Steph and said that the police were at ‘her’ house?  Slip of the tongue?

Update 3:  Is there anything Beth Logan won’t excuse?  Is there anything Stephen Logan won’t whine about?

Update 4:  Flashing on the Forrester faces while Donna panics and goes wild defending herself?  A little melodramatic.  Funny, actually.  All we need are torches and pitchforks for the villagers.

Update 5:  It’s too bad Owen and Donna aren’t guilty.  I’m done with Owen and his Donna fixation.  I could love them as a couple… but only if they leave town IMMEDIATELY after getting together.

I loved the huge cast scene.  It’s been a while since we had something like that – a scene that advanced the drama forward, had some action to it.  BRAVA/O writers!